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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7608
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I found out my married cousin cheats. I thought he and his

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I found out my married cousin cheats. I thought he and his wife seemed perfect. He contacted my sister via Facebook. My sister had a pic of her and her friend. My cousin has never met my sisters friend before. My cousin doesn't live near us. He told my sister that his wife would Be away for a while. And to bring her friend over to sleep with him. My sister was shocked. And then he toldher not to tell anyone. I can't stand this whole "boys will be boys" BS. Yet if you're a woman and do this you're a slut/whore. I feel sorry for mycousins wife, she is a nice person and deserves better. We didn't know whether to tell my mother. Now I found out that Christmas will be at my cousins house this year. What to do?
-- First, I am convinced this cousin WANTS to get caught. It's a pityful, immature cry for attention to something very wrong in his life.

He's hoping that someone tells on him although it's doubtful he'll ever admit this

I wouldn't wait for the holidays to mention it. If this were MY cousin I'd bring it up and say something like "Johnny, if Mary were to be playing it loose and disrespectful on you, I have a feeling you'd want to know so you could save your marriage and protect yourself from nasty diseases right? So I'm going to do the same for Mary as I would do for you and bring this all out in the open"
He'll go ballistic of course, but stay calm, repeat yourself about saving the marriage and protecting him (and wife) from diseases - and point out that IF he really wanted to be a sleaze about all of it, he would NOT have told anyone.

Offer him the opportunity to come clean on his own, but if he doesn't do it by (pick a date within the next week or ten days) then you will.

Look, you cannot harbor this burden of secrecy and lies during the holidays. It's not your responsibility, it's not your fault and you do not need to be part of it by cooperating with him

You have ethics and character. Never be ashamed of that

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
The problem is I haveno way of contacting him. I don't have his contact details and we only see them at Christmas. Rarely any other time. He lives far away from us.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think if we say anything he will try and lie
-- It doesn't matter if he lies - all that matters is that YOU will be telling the truth and the wife can believe you or not. And of course there's email or posting from him right?

If the wife decides to believe him, that's fine at least she'll have it in the back of her mind and HE'LL know he's being watched.


As for contacting him, send that message about 'telling' back to him the way you found out about it. Through your sister and her Facebook.

If she won't cooperate and join you, it's easy enough to start your FB acct just for times like this

Don't make a big deal out of it - and when he starts to deny deny deny, carry yourself with dignity and refuse to get into a low level accusation match. Simply say, "It is what it is. I have no reason to be untruthful" and walk away.

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