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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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I logged in to my boyfriends email using a saved password.

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I logged in to my boyfriends email using a saved password. I saw things I didn't like, and I confronted him about it, told him someone must have hacked his e-mail and that this person sent it to me. Now my life is a mess. I want to tell him the truth but I am afraid that he will leave me.

Hello, I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples, married or not, for 20 years. I am sorry you are in such turmoil over what you have done, but it actually tells me that you are a good and honest person. Many people would only feel anger at their boyfriend, not guilt about being untruthful as to how they got the information. Secrets are very harmful to relationships, and since this one is troubling you so, it will come out sooner or later. Your bf probably already suspects that you are not telling he truth. It would be better to sit down and tell him what happened at the time and place of your choosing, rather than have it revealed in an argument at a later time and in unexpected circumstances. What do you think?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I don't think I can do that. He will definitely leave if I tell him the truth.

I understand your fear. How long have the two of you been together? Why are you sure that he will leave if you tell him the truth?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

We have been together 7 years, and we have a child together. Because I lied to him in the first place.

Good that you have been together for so long and have a child together. Do you believe he has never lied to you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

No. But it is the severity of the act itself. I twisted the lie so much that he will never forgive me.

Well, you are making an assumption that may or may not be true. Of course, the choice to tell him or not is yours to make. If you decide not to tell him, then I suggest that you find a way to forgive yourself. If this is the worst thing you even do in your relationship, then you are way ahead of most people. You are punishing yourself right now with your guilt. A good questions to ask yourself is, "When have I punished myself enough for what I did?" If you are not going to tell him, then you need to let yourself off the hook, let this go and move on. I think it could be today. Let the asking of your question and my response be the end of your emotional turmoil. I hope this helps. Chat back if you need anything further. If you are satisfied with my answer, please rate me positively and click on submit. I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX Eleanor
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