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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Im a 24 year old gay male, I have been in therapy before,

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I'm a 24 year old gay male, I have been in therapy before, been on different types of anti-depressants and have been off them for several years, I never fall as far down the rabbitt hole as I was before starting therapy but I still find myself having dark life ending thoughts, anxious, lonely and sad a lot of the time. The last time I had sexual relations was three years ago and not because of low libido but because after every time and there have not been many, I feel bad, as if I have done something dirty and wrong. I have never been in a serious relationship even though I know my self to be capable of loving someone wholeheartedly, I don't really know what my question is really. My life a year ago was perfect I moved to a new country for my studies in a very prestigious school, my parents are so proud and over the moon, but I still managed to bungle my last term because of constant tiredness and the fear of not being good enough for anything or anyone. I guess what I am driving at is that I feel immensly lonely and sad all the time and I don't know what to do about it anymore, I sometimes feel at the end of my tether. What can I do?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am very sorry to hear about how you are feeling. You mentioned that you were in therapy before. Do you know what training your therapist had?


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Not all therapist have the same kind of training.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Given the way you are describing how you feel it sounds to me like you would need further therapy but with somebody who has the right kind of training, not someone who has a minimum level of training who then does therefore not have the adequate skills to help you dig deep to understand where your feelings are coming from and why you are feeling the way you do. There are people in the UK who have excellent credentials who can provide you with the right kind of therapy that will help you work things through.


Customer: She was a child therapist but I stopped going to therapy because I didn't feel like I was being taken seriously, I was in my teens and just come out of the closet, after a string of rather embarrassing and difficult sexual encounters with other men she asked me if I was really actually gay, but there has never been any doubt of my sexuality and the question just made me distrust her ability to help and asked my mother if I could stop seeing her which I then did...later on I went into anxiety management therapy which helped a lot
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I hear you. And you were a very wise young man to not want to see her anymore if that is how she handled things with you. As for the second therapist helping you with Anxiety Management --- that's that --- meaning staying on the surface and helping you manage the symptom but not digging deep to get to the root of the anxiety/symptom. So let me direct you to a therapist who has postgraduate training so that you know you will get somebody who is very skilled and will certainly be able to help you move past this point and therefore help you live a fullfilling life.
So here is the link to the British Psychoanalytic. All people who are eligible to become members of the British Psychoanalytic are qualified to help you. If you cannot afford a full fee, ask them to provide someone who is in training(They are very well supervised by senior supervising members) so that you can see someone for a low fee if need be. Those in Training still have more training than if you choose a therapist who is not a member.
Anyone with a membership at the British Psychoanalytic, has, as I have said, the right kind of training to dig deep into your unconscious and help you work through your unconscious conflicts that create this problem for you.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

All people who are members of the British Psychoanalytic have post graduate training. I have that kind of training so I know what it can do. Members of the British Psychoanalytic are members of the International Psychoanalytic Association( I P A ).


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Your thoughts????


Customer: Thank you very much this has been helpful
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I have been a psychoanalyst since 1976. I know the difference in different levels of training. I have 17 years of education in the mental health field post my Bachelor of Arts in psychology. I have a Master's in Psychiatric Social Work, a PhD in Clinical Psychology, and two certificates in Psychoanalysis --- five years of training each and I can tell you that there is a world of difference in the kind of help that one can offer at those different levels. I know because I went through all those levels I mentioned.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So don't despair. Go to the website that I sent you. Ask them for someone in your area. You will begin your journey into exploring what is going on in your life and getting to understand where it is all coming from and how you can change the way you are feeling.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Don't forget to rate me. If you don't I do not get compensated for my work. My goal is to provide you with Excellent Service If there is anything else you would like to ask me, please do. I am here for you.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You there? Do you have any other questions?


Customer: Oh sorry, just one more, Inhave been in love with the same boy for years, He is today my best friend and there is a lot of history between us, I have told him about my feelings and he has accepted them but he does not reciprocate which is fine but I can't get him out of my head
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So what is your question apropos that?


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You say he hasn't reciprocated. What does he say? Is he gay?


Customer: He's gay, he's in a relationship and he values me more as a friend than as something more than that I'm sorry I don't really know what the question is I guess is there any easy way to make the sting of rejection go away? But I know there isn't and I can live with it I think
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see. Well if he's in a relationship that would be why he does not reciprocate. As far as making the sting of rejection go away, the therapy that I mentioned would help with that, as well.


Customer: Thanks,You have been very patient and helpfull thank you very much I'll be sure to rate you I don't think there is anything else. Bye
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