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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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hi. i have been with a guy fortwo yaers now. it was very rocky

Customer Question

hi. i have been with a guy fortwo yaers now. it was very rocky at first, which i thought was all my fault as i have trust issues from my past. like he as, i found out 2mths ago that he as been intouch with females via text. all the time he as known me he said they where women he new as friends before he went out with me,but one women he was speaking to i seen all the text an emails where he as gone to her when we fell out he said just to chat as he had no one to turn too,he as known her since they where at school he dated her for 3 months before he met me,they decided that they wasnt right for each other an they would just be friends,i no they meet up for a meal in april.but he said thats alll it was . she knows he is with me, and he said he told her after the meal that he as to get back home to me and left, he as run me down to her calling me a mado ect.i mailed her and asked her whats going on and that she was out of order slagging me off when she dont even no me,she was very nasty to me,and i told my chap he was upset, about everything and he emailed her and said to leave us alone has me an him was ok until she started and that we will be happy again. i also read a text from her to him a few months ago saying to him do you want to be friends. he said yes, she replyed well make more of an enough you MUPPET, he said to me well dont that tell you something! And if i was sleeping with her im sure she would have said when she was sending you nasty text!! we are still togeather and he as given me access to everything of his, he said i dont want any one else, but i only spoke to them other friends cause at the time he didnt no where he stood with me, the other ones where just normal every day chat and was a year ago,but i found them all togeter 2mths ago. im devastated, and im finding it hard to go on and dont no what to do, we had a big arguement last night,i let it all out i went mad. he lay on the bedroom floor covering his ears i have never known him to do that before, now he at work, and he said that i frightend him last nite, but i coludnt hold back any longer,going on like my feelings dont matter to him and when i ask him anything which he said anything i want to ask just ask , so i did a couple a weeks ago an he was very defenced and got anry at me, and said well if i didnt throw him out in the past it would not have happend,blaming me, i suffer with my nervers as he knows, im now under dr again because of this, and i feel suicdle wondered if you can help me THANK YOU Jane
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

If you are suicidal you have to reach out to your local hospital or to a suicidal hot line in your area. If you are not then you have the right to end this relationship. I understand he said they are friends but it is difficult to have your boyfriend communicating or even flirting with this person. It is hard to believe him when you have trust issues so you have to decide if this relationship is making you happy. Whether he is communicating with her or not it has to make you happy. Otherwise you are miserable! He has to compromise too. If he wants to make you happy he will find a solution. A relationship is all about compromise and he is no exception. If you have broken up then you did the right thing for you. He has to want to make you happy. I think you did the right thing. This situation isn't going to be okay. You may have different ideas of what is appropriate and that is always going to be a problem. Do what works for you.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

well this is the problem, its because we love each other, i dont really want to end itso im so confuessed.

Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
If you don't want to end it then see if he will commit to a short stay with a relationship counselor. In the meantime work on communication. The first step is finding out if he wants to be a couple. You need a full commitment from him to go forward