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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My husband hates cats and I adore them. We have two and he

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My husband hates cats and I adore them. We have two and he has been tolerating them for 6 years because of me, but he tells me every chance he gets that he hates them and cannot stand their fur around the house. He was raised in a family that believed that no animal should live in the house, and that the fur is something terrible. I clean a lot, but still...there will be fur around, it is natural. I love my cats and it hurts me that he is saying that. I tell him, yet it does not help. He says he only keeps them for me and that he can hardly wait for them to die!!! He is also not letting my cats come snuggle with me in the bedroom, sothey are both neglected. How should I approach this situation? Thank you.

Deardebra : There have been studies done that they claim children that are around animals as children have less allergies. I am sure you could look it up online to see the research. Your husband was raised a certain way and that is why you both are clashing with whether animals should be in the house. He feels no animal should be in the house and you love your cats. I feel he has compromised but he doesn't have to like having animals in the house. I feel by you cleaning the fur is a nice gesture. That is really being supportive of him letting you keep the cats. I want you both to focus on each other and not worry about the cats being a problem. You both care about each other in a way that you both are willing to please each other trying to make the other one happy. You have a very special relationship and I feel that you both can work this out. He must never like cats or want animals in the house but he loves you and is willing to go against how he feels for you to keep something you love.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you so much for your follow up. My husband used to let my cat sleep right next to me on my side, and now, the last couple of weeks, he says no cats in the bed, so as a result I have to chase away a cat that has been sleeping with me for ten years. She is getting very needy and depressed. We have a toddler so it is not like I just have time to put aside and cuddle with her. That bothers me. My husband also says that it is good they are getting old (11 and 7) so they will die soon, and that we would not have cats after that. My boy loves cats, as he sees me petting them and he pets them as well. I know my husband can be moody and one day may say "enough with cats" and the next he would be very tolerant, so with him I know that nothing it set in stone when it comes to cats. I keep thanking him for tolerating them for me and telling him how wonderful he is for allowing me to have them. Someone has to suffer, right? My cat of ten years, who is all of a sudden not allowed to sleep with me, or my husband with cats' hair, or me by not knowing how to juggle?Thanks you.

It sounds like your husband is going through something. I feel your husband is signaling out the cats because he needs more attention. Some times people signal out the one thing as an excuse to the real reason. He all of a sudden doesn't want the cat sleep in the bed. I do not believe this is what is bothering him. You have to ask why would he all of a sudden not want. the cat in the bed. You have a toddler which takes up you and his time. What you both need to do is make time for each other and I feel things would change with the cat. If you both set aside a certain time everyday or even a few times. a week to connect with each other. You could have a special dinner together, you could talk about your wants and needs in the relationship. You could do a certain hobby together. Even knowing thats someone is there beside you reading a book, watching tv. I feel that your husband is looking for a attention by signaling out the cats.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Wow! I never thought of that! Thank you very much! He is a person that likes to be the center of attention (not in a bad way, maybe sometimes), so this would make sense considering his personality that always wants to be recognized for everything he does. Thank you for a great service, and thank you for following up.

You welcome. If he likes to always be recognized for things he does make it a point to tell him that things he does are so thoughtful. He would be someone that would appreciate just saying thank you or telling him how much you appreciate him