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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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My boyfriend asked for two weeks of space but not. We can still

Customer Question

My boyfriend asked for two weeks of space but not. We can still text and call but limited and I can only see him once a week and we can only do something like watch a movie. He says its not about me or his doubt to be with me, he loves me and wants a future with me. But he broke up with me twice within that day to ask for space because he was worried he wouldnt get it, had me sleep in my car because I was suppose to sleep over and my house was getting bug bombed and I couldn't go home, and he asked for this because I was suppose to sleep over and he started to have anxiety.
some more facts
hes 30
im 23
he cheated on me in the first month of our relationship because he freaked out when he realized he was in love with me (we were seeing each other non offical for two months before offical)
I have met only two or three of his friends and his mom for five seconds.
We have been together seven months.
He started therapy to work on some issues.
he does support me and is nice to me but it feels like only when he can handle it.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is Ryan and I'd like to help you out.

It sounds like this has been a difficult situation with your boyfriend especially since he seems very serious about limiting the amount of contact you have with each other. I'd like to help you sort this out although I'm not sure exactly what your question is? Can you please clarify?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I guess I am not really sure what to do... I know he says its not about me that its so he can work on himself but do I stay or leave/ being played I am really confused

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I guess the thing is I am asking for advice on what to do.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for clarifying,

I would think that if he feels like he just needs two weeks to gather his thoughts, then it may be worth hanging in there and seeing what happens. From what you said it seems like your relationship got very intense very quickly, and sometimes when that happens it causes a person to feel like they need to take a step back and reevaluate so that they can find a way to make the relationship work over the long term. I'm not sure if that's exactly the sense that you're getting from him, but it certainly seems like he still wants to be in contact with you and work this out.

Because of that, it doesn't sound like you are getting played. At the same time, it may be hard to tell how long it will continue like this. There are certainly reasons to be optimistic, because it sounds like he is dedicated to you and is working on his issues in therapy. However, if you're starting to get the impression that there is no end in sight to this amount of space that he needs, then at some point it does become unfair to you and you may have to consider whether or not it is worth your time to hang in there.

At this point if it's only been a couple weeks and you've otherwise been happy with him, I would think that it's at least worth seeing whether or not he can get some of these problems figured out now that he has the space that he's asked for. In general though, I think you have to trust your instincts, and if you're starting to feel like you are in over your head with this relationship, then it may not matter if he has been completely honest with you about all of this, and the best thing may be to move on. If you do decide to hang in there, there do seem to be reasons to be optimistic that this could work out as long as he continues to be open with you and work on his problems that have led to this point.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this. Let me know what you think or if there is anything else I can do to help you out.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Hi again, I haven't heard back from you so I hope that I was able to help you out. Feel free to send me a follow-up if you need anything else, otherwise I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me a positive rating so that I'm compensated for my time. Thanks a lot and take care.