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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Is there any way to get my wife to try counseling with me

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Is there any way to get my wife to try counseling with me



These are just some questions to clarify what is going on. Please feel free to use the reply option.


1) Did she refuse going w/ you at some time after you've declined going? Or, was her refusal first and yours secondary to hers?


2) Do you suspect any other reasons for her refusal other than her reverting the tables on you? For example - do you think she does not believe that things could change for the better?


3) The issue(s) you would like to go to counseling- are they long standing or something that started recently?



Customer: replied 4 years ago.
i have sugested it in the past and she always refused. Im sure what her reason is for refusing. We have both been thru hell in our lives both together and in the past. We have had problems on and off. I made a mistake one night after a month of problems i felt like my world was falling apart and attempted suicide. I knew instantly it was a mistake. I love my family very much and feel that i have to at least try to make it work. I want it to

Thank you for clarifying Josh.

In order for her to become more receptive to the idea of couple's counseling, you would want her to find her own reason for going first. Then, a reason that would benefit the relationship as a whole.

When you speak with her, try to find out what is it she wants at this time in her life. Does she believe it can happen, what can she do to make it so, and what does she expect from you.


Try to refrain from mentioning past hurts/mistakes. Just like you, she's surely aware of these issues. Instead, ask her to share her desires and goals hence forth. You can then do the same including her as a part of yours.

You can point out to her that you're unsure of what the counseling would be like but would like to use it in order to explore different options for the future. Find out if she's scared in some way from going to counseling. Some individuals believe that by digging into things deeper, things could become worse. Yet, it is each of you who's in control of your reaction to any situation/information.


Another thing to do is trying to find out if she's not comfortable w/ counseling, if she would be comfortable with marital coaching. It is a bit less intense and more goal oriented than therapy. It can also be done online rather than going to an actual office.


You can ask her about other things that she could think of that the two of you can utilize at home i.e. couple's workbooks or, going workshops/couple's retreats. She would only do what is within her comfort level. Of course, it would help if her refusal is not a way of punishment or being stubborn. If this is so, ask her to let you know what is in the way of moving forward. Then, without judging this or trying to justify yourself, accept it and ask her to come with another idea where the two of you can participate together as a couple. Reassure her that this is all a new process for you as well and that your main goal is to make things better for both of you. But, stress out to her that you need her help as your partner in this.


And don't give up if she is undecided at first. Keep on reminding her that people can make mistakes and can correct these as well. She has to find her own reason for wanting to do it. Refusing simply just to be difficult is not going to help her or anyone else.





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