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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi. In January a new girl started my yoga class. We gradually

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Hi. In January a new girl started my yoga class. We gradually got to know eachother and around May time i finally plucked up the courage to ask for her number. We started texting and to be honest i was just getting the feeling from her that she wasn't interested as her texts were quite blunt, so i stopped texting. She had also informed me that she had broken up with her boyfriend of 7 years in January.(they also lived together)

After a week or 2 though she began contacting me again and i was getting a different vibe from her, we started chatting for ages after our yoga class and eventually went out on a date which went really well. I had a friend's wedding shortly after and she drove 50 miles to join me at the evening reception. However in between she told me that her and her ex were going to a concert together as they had bought the tickets before they split!! But assured me they were going as friends and she didnt love him anymore. I was ok with this. (kind of)

Anyway, we had a great time at the wedding and a few days later we went away for a nite which also went well. However she had said to me from the start that she didnt want a relationship and because we were beginning to like eachother we decided to let things sit and be friends. That was a friday and i hadn't planned on contacting her. She then text on the sunday nite to say she missed me and that she hadn't slept well the nite before thinkin about me and said the whole thing was so silly. So we said we would start seeing eachother again casually and see what happens.

We then decided to go away for a couple of nites on 23 August and to go to a concert together.
One nite after yoga we were chatting about us and she said " i dont think u want a relationship", i replied that i was happy the way things were. What i meant to say was i did, but only when she was ready. ( I didnt want to put any pressure on her by saying i did want a relationship now) I text her the next nite then and got no reply and saw her a week later at yoga, i asked her was all ok and she said she had "forgot to text back and had been very busy"!! That nite she also gave me £50 for her concert ticket. Because she was being off with me i text her the following nite to say i didnt really want to go away with her when she was acting like this and that i would give her her money back the next nite at yoga....i haven't seen or heard from her since and she never missed her classes!! That was 7th August i last saw her.

I dunno what has happened...i do think it's to do with her ex. She told me at the start they had just "fell out of love" in January, had tried to get back in April but it just didnt work. I know rightly she had her heart broke cus she said to me when we started seeing eachother: "you better not hurt me"!!.
I think she has either got back with her ex, found out he is with someone else, or just doesent want to be with me. If she was going with him again then why give me £50 for the ticket? Also why just completely ignore me and not go back to yoga?
Please advise.
I feel that she did want a relationship but was scared to get hurt by you. She just ended a long relationship and was nervous about starting a new one and making that commitment. When you said you like things the way they were, that was not the answer she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear you wanted a relationship. You should have answered how you really felt about her, you thought you would push her away, but that wasn't the case, she wanted to know lf you and her had a future together or were things going to just be like this. When you answered she felt things were not progressing since she walked away discouraged because she thought you wanted more in the relationship. She might be embarrassed and this is why you do not see her. I want you to contact her and tell her that you didn't want to push her away even though you wanted a committed relationship. Explain you wanted mire but were to afraid to tell her in fear you would lose her.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi. Thanks but she hasn't replied to my last 3 text messages. After the last time we spoke i text her the following nite to ask was sure she sure nothin else was bothering her, then text to say we shouldn't go to the concert. I'm afraid if i do text she might not reply again!

I want you to write her a letter on how you feel about her so she knows. She has backed off. Because shred is afraid to get hurt so she cut off all contact. If you write her a letter the will see how you feel and she can read it at her own pace. Then she could respond knowing that you do care and want to be with her.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I'm also afraid to contact her incase she has got back with her ex. That really would be tough to take. I really dont know what to do as if i feel i was getting mixed feelings from her from the start!!

You are afraid she got back with her ex what if she didn't and you are missing out on being with her. You obviously care about her and want to be in a relationship with her, but she doesn't know that and that is why you should tell her how you feel about her so she knows.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Do you honestly believe from what i told you that she does want to be with me?

I believe that she was looking for more in the relationship when she asked that question and you answered you like things the way they are, but right now she is hurt by you not wanting more and this is why you need to tell her how you feel and why you said what you said.You care about her and you should not go on wondering what could have been you need to let her know that you are still here and looking to get back together. You even could start off as friends to take the pressure off in the beginning and see where the relationship progresses. She has only backed off because she thought you didn't want more and I believe she was hurt that you didn't want more in the relationship. If you could please accept my answer.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi. Thanks for your advice, have tried contacting her but she doesen't wanna know.

If you have anymore questions I am here to answer. I feel you should write a letter too her just to see if she will respond to that. It will give her time to think.