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I am married but have been seeing another woman for over 6

months. My wife is now...
I am married but have been seeing another woman for over 6 months. My wife is now more like a friend/sister to me after being together for over 14years.
My mistress is also married and doesn't want to leave her husband, but I am considering leaving my wife and living alone.
do you think that would be a wise move?
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Answered in 27 minutes by:
9/1/2012
SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
Verified
I think that weather it is a wise move or not depends on you. I am going to try to put things into perspective so that you can determine which way to go. If you guys have been married for 14 years, it is a bit normal for things to kind of mellow out in the bedroom, or for the relationship to become very ritualistic or even boring at times. So I would want you to evaluate weather you see yourself actually living and being without your wife, or are you just bored with her right now. Because if you are bored with just her, there are things that can change that. Couples counseling may be in order so that can give you guys some more tips on how to rekindle you relationship.

If you feel like you do not want to be with your wife anymore. I want you to dig deep and actually think of why you feel this way. Is it because of the affair? Often times when people start affairs, it is so exciting and new that things lose perspective. Even if your mistress did leave her husband, where do you feel that this would leave you? Have you guys ever had a meaningful conversation? Had a chance to date out in public? Or is your chemistry just in the bed room? The reason why I asked, is because if you want you leave your wife, you really have to think of why. Do you feel that you will still see the mistress, and if her husband finds out or she stops seeing you, and you leave your wife, where you that leave you? Even if you choose not to continue the relationship with your mistress, how do you view your bachelor life being? The reason I asked is because people often envision that it will be great, but when it happens it is nothing like they thought. Leaving them feel like that acted impulsively.

No one can make this decision for you, the only thing I would like for you to do is to put everything into perspective and not act on impulse. I would want you to think about whether you would want to leave your wife, if the affair had never happened. I also want you to think about the reason why you want to leave your wife…is it because of sex or boredom? Or is it because you really do not love her anymore and see no reason that it could ever work for you?

If you answered the first, then I would say the relationship is worth fixing, it just that one aspect. I think if your answer is the last question, then you have your answer of weather you need to leave or go. Just keep in mind, that once you leave on impulse your family will be changed forever. Your actions just don’t impact you but your whole family, so if you leave, be sure, and very sure that this is what you want, and you see no other way to be happy.
SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago

thank you for your last reply.


I have thought about it a lot.


I don't want to be with my wife and its not because of the affair. The affair was borne out of not being satisfied with the relationship with my wife.


I now know that it wasn't just about sex/boredom. Its about lifestyle and attitudes.


 


we are poles apart. Im not saying Im right and she is wrong, but we don't click.


Im not happy with the effect that her insecure, pessimistic , negative outlook are having on our children. She has made a situation for herself that she can't deal with and she is making the same limits for our two children and that is unforgivable.


If I don't do something they will suffer, if I do they will suffer. in the meantime we all suffer and don't enjoy life.


Im at a loss to come up with a solution - i don't want my children to suffer. Yet, they will if we are together.


I feel the best way is to be apart and me to have the children but that will never happen because of the law.


 


 

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SLREED
SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 220
220 Satisfied Customers
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.

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