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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I have cheated on my partner several times now, does this mean

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I have cheated on my partner several times now, does this mean I don't love him or could it just be my personality?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. It would be very hard to know that never having seen you for a consultation in my office. By that I mean one would need to conduct a detailed history to understand why this has happened.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Let me ask you a few questions --- maybe that will shed some light on what is going on with you.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

How old are you? How old is he? How long have you been together? How many relationships have you been in prior to this relationship? Has the infidelity been a problem in previous relationships? What about your parents? What was their relationship like? Did your mother cheat on your father or your father on your mother? What about your partner --- Has he cheated on you?


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

What is your relationship like with your partner other than you cheating? Are you happy with one another? Unhappy? So you can see that I am full of questions. Without knowing the answer to some of these questions, I would not have any idea about why you have been cheating on your partner. Tell me as much as you can so I may be able to understand your situation better.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you are offline now. I'll check back later to see if you have entered anything. If you respond back to me just put DR. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.


Customer: Dr shirley schaye
Customer: I am 28 and he is 29, been together about 4 years now...ive been in many a relationship and have cheated on all of them except one
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi there.


Customer: My mum and dad are still happily married no
Customer: No cheating
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If you have cheated on all of them then my guess would be that it is something about your personality.


Customer: My brother however had an affair in his marriage
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Have you ever been in therapy?


Customer: I am happy most of the time although get bored very easily
Customer: Once, tried cbt but didnt help me...this was for different reasons
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You see it's hard to say never having met you to know why you keep cheating. However if this keeps happening in other relationships then it speaks to a problem you are experiencing.


Customer: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX il book in for therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

CBT does not help much. It gives one behavioural strategies rather than look for the deeper psychodynamic reasons why somebody does what they do.


Customer: Would it be a relationship counsellor??
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

But before you book in for therapy let me help you find the right kind of therapy.


Customer: What therapy would you suggest? Yeah i found cbt useless :(
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Where in the UK do you live?


Customer: Scotland...aberdeen
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I will give you a link to a website where all therapists have extensive training. Contact them and let them know that you are in Aberdeen, Scotland and they will give you a contact there.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Give me a minute I am going to get the link to send to you. I'll be right back.


Customer: Ok, thank you very much x
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

A therapist who has postgraduate training is very skilled and will certainly be able to help you move past this point and therefore help you live a fullfilling life.
So here is the link to the British Psychoanalytic. All people who are eligible to become members of the British Psychoanalytic are qualified to help you. If you cannot afford a full fee, you should ask them to provide someone who is in training (They are very well supervised by senior supervising members) so that you can see someone for a low fee if need be. Those in Training still have more training than if you choose a therapist who is not a member.
Anyone with a membership at the British Psychoanalytic, has, as I have said, the right kind of training to dig deep into your unconscious and help you work through your unconscious conflicts that create the problems for you.

List of Psychoanalysts in the UK


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If you can't find someone on your own contact them and have them help you find someone.


Customer: Thank you so much for your help xxx
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You are most welcome. Please know that I am here for you and if you wish to contact me again just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I'll be the one to answer.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Please don't forget to rate me otherwise I do not get paid by Just Answer.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

My goal is to provide you with EXCELLENT SERVICE so if you have any other questions, do not hesitate to ask me. As I said, just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response.


Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you