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During my divorce process and pain I got involved with a kid

about 25 years younger than...
During my divorce process and pain I got involved with a kid about 25 years younger than me. I was not thinking clear, he dumped me immediately and now I feel the pain of going through the divorce and the pain of dealing with whatever feeling I have developed for him..... please someone tell me how to cope with this..... we are co workers
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Answered in 1 minute by:
8/10/2012
Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience: Clinical Social Work
Verified

Santo B :

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Santo B :

Hello. I have read your question and would like to know if you had the affair before you divorced or after you divorced

Santo B :

Did the affair take place during your marriage?

Customer:

Hi santo please help me i am having a very difficult time trying to understand why this happend no i did not have an affair, i met him here he pursued me I fell for it. I hate myself it did not mean a damn thing to me. i see him every day cause we work together it is emotionally draining me please give me sonme advice

Santo B :

Ok. I would like to know how you are dealing with the divorce first.

Customer:

i meant it did not mean anything to him. it meant something to me because i cannot get over this and i c him flirting with everyone else and he dates other women and he told me that it was over.

Customer:

i am stilll hurting from my divorce it has only been a year i weas married 25 years and was not expecting my ex husband to ask me for a divorce. he hasd remarried

Santo B :

Do you work closely with this man? Meaning, do you have to work on projects with him, in the same office space, etc.

Customer:

not really, he works for another department. we have lunch together but i always pay for the food, he never offers, i never thought that i would let this happen to me and i did i feel bad. he is 30 and i am 54

Customer:

but i c him every every day his cubicle is down the aile from mine

Santo B :

What led to your ex-husband asking for a divorce. I realize these questions seem a bit all over the place, but I would like to establish a baseline and would like to gather some information before providing you with an opinion.

Santo B :

I realize that you regret the decision to have an inter-office relationship with a younger man, but you were most likely vulnerable at that point and seeking attention from someone.

Customer:

my husband told me that he fell out of love he had another woman and married her 6 months after we got divorced. he complained that the intimate department was not good...... i feel that this kid took advantage of me, yes i was vulnerable, I think i c it now I did not c it then i wanted the attention, i wanted him and now I am hurting but i feel worse because I am dealing with the pain from losing my ex and now this? any suggestions on how to cope with this.

Santo B :

I think you really need to take some time to review the recent past events. I can't imagine the affair with the young man lasting that long, so I believe that I would attribute most of your depression surrounding the divorce. I don't believe you reconciled the divorced and allowed this young guy to be a distraction.

Santo B :

You have to begin to mourn the loss of your marriage. It is ok to feel horrible about it. You were married to this man for 25 years. Thats a long time, and the level of comfort that you achieve after 25 years has simply gone away.

Customer:

Ok,. thanks do u think that I should stop hanging around with him? he feels that we can be friends and just forget about what happened.

Santo B :

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on this young man. to tell you the truth, it would probably be best to cut ties with him for a while. Its time to take time for yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want now. Divorce is a pretty life changing event, and you must reconcile it before you move on. Leave the distractions alone. Some times you have to embrace the hurt to get through it.

Santo B :

Avoid the young man

Customer:

THANK YOU SANTO! GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY I THINK I KNEW THIS I JUST DID NOT WANT TO MAKE THIS DECISION. HAVE A WONDEFUL WEEKEND.

Santo B :

Please feel free to come back to this post and ask any questions you may have. I will check in on you in a few days.

Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience: Clinical Social Work
Verified
Santo B and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Excellent service. Thank you for your help. Now I have to work on making this decision and moving on with my life.

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I am just checking in with you to see if any of the suggestions we spoke about worked. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Good morning Santo. I have deleted his number from my phone that way I won't be tempted to text him. I took time to think what has transpired. He knew I was very very vulnerable because I had mentioned to him that I was going through a divorce. He paid a lot of attention to me, which of course I enjoyed. I got hurt, I cannot deny that but I can truly say that he was the reason why I dye my hair, I changed my wardrobe, I feel like a woman again. A woman in pain but a woman again. I hurt when I c him because he says hello and allo that stuff but has no idea how much I am hurting. Anyway, I know it's going to take time. I have to admit that it was something unexpeted? I was married for so long that maybe I did not realize I was even capable fo doing something like that? I don;'t know but my heart will heal. I am a very emotional person and considering my state of mind and emotional state, I let myself go.



Thank you for your help.


 

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Santo B
Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
86 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Clinical Social Work

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