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I feel I dont want a relationship ever again. I know this may

be based around the fact...
I feel I dont want a relationship ever again. I know this may be based around the fact Im recently divorced, but all I know now is never again. I still have desire and I still want to be closer with some girls I know. I just feel like I want to give one big up yours to the whole game, the board, the field and all the players. It kinda feels like I can punish all women by making myself unavailable/unobtainable. Is this normal or even healthy? Well Im guessing it's not healthy.
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Answered in 11 minutes by:
8/5/2012
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Verified
Hello. Yes, it is normal, and it depends if it is unhealthy. There is nothing wrong with feeling how you do, just about anyone who has been hurt, feels the same way. What you have to determine form this point forward is how you handle it. If you don't hurt anyone else in the process of healing, then you must do what makes you happy. You can't force yourself to love someone or even get close to them beyond your own barriers. Time usually does help heal, but also finding the right person can too. Right now, it feels like there is no 'right person' because they are ALL bad. If you genuinely find someone who you feel for, you can't fight it and you will eventually let your walls down.
Right now you have to accept and be ok with the fact that you feel this way. Every person has an individual way of being happy or feeling better. If you want to be unattainable, then by all means, do it. As long as you are upfront with the women and tell them this and you do not hurt them by pretending to be available and then shutting the doors on them. Most women have been hurt just as bad and understand the pain of past, unhealthy relationships. You are not alone at all in how you feel. Just take things one day at a time and you will have good days and bad days when you feel better or worse, but that's just the way it is. Accept it the best you can and know this is just what is happening in your life right now. It may or may not change in the future, but try not to worry about that too much right now.
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Verified
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

I would love to meet someone that might change my outlook, I've been seperated over a year (divorce has only just gone through).


 


It just feels like a long time not helped by some incredibly negative feelings (i appreciate understandable and natural).


 


But is it possible to maintain a relationship without falling in love. Just based on logic and convenience.


 


Furthermore although I know I shouldn't hurt anyone, I do still want revenge.

Yes of course. Any type of relationship is available for anyone. The key though is to be sure that both of the people involved are on the same page with it. If you are with a girl who understands that you want to maintain some independence, and you have made that clear to her, that is the way to go. Don't keep some secret from her that you plan on leaving her or cheating on her when she is under the impression that you have a future together. Honesty is the way to maintain what you want.
A year is not very long at all, so I think with time, you will be able to open up some more. Just allow yourself that time. Sometimes the fact that you feel the way you do and you can't change it is frustrating within itself. If you learn to let that part of it go, you are winning half the stress battle.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
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