Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective
You have described a true dilemma. However that term has two definitions:
- -a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives.
- -any difficult or perplexing situation or problem.
Because the alternatives are not equally undesirable, then the second definition is more apt.
You have given a list of pros and cons for remaining in your current situation:
In support of remaining in the situation you list: allowing you and your son to remain in the UK (and thus allowing your son to have a father); respecting the need of your son to have a father; you still care about your husband as a friend, and don't want to lose that friendship; he is a good man and a wonderful father; he is making a real effort at ending his alcoholism; you don't want to hurt your husband by abandoning him, and; it's really a moot point because you can't really afford to break up, implying your are stuck for financial reasons, as the botXXXXX XXXXXne
In support of leaving this situation you list: you don't love him anymore and your romance seems to be at an end; this is making you feel depressed and desperately trapped because you remain in this situation, and; you have little or no enthusiasm to continue.
It seems, from what you say that you have little viable choice right now, and continuing to stay together, for now, is your best option. You have a mutual interest in your child, you are mutually supportive financially, and you have a wonderful friendship. Right now it is like living with a best friend. Yes, you need to feel love for him or for someone, but right now that is the (painfully) missing element.
You may never love him again, but on the other hand, you may have a breakthrough. These emotional changes do occur, sometimes when we least expect them, and sometimes when we put an effort into other aspects of our relationship.
I am not one to encourage couples to stay together for the sake of the children or because they are married, and often recommend divorce or separation. In your case, because it is the best option, and because there could be a change in your feelings while you are together, I recommend that you stay, at least for awhile, at least until your situation changes so that you can leave or remain in the UK (if you wish). It seems to be your best option in this dilemma.
I also urge you to get this book, available at www.amazon.co.uk. It may help a great deal:Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
by William J. Doherty
I hope that this inspires you to harness your energy and try some positive action as recommended by this excellent book. Trying will also reduce your depression. I wish you blessings and great success.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC