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Ask RealSupport Your Own Question
RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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do i deserve to be shouted at all the time. when i say shouted

Customer Question

do i deserve to be shouted at all the time. when i say shouted i mean, "what you doing, why you doing, and where you going, why havnt you done this, look at the state of that," and so on. my partner is a stay at home mum and i work 13 hours a day every day of the week i rarely get time off when i do it is spent with my partner and daughter she gets a set amount of money per month to pay bills etc if she can save money i allow her to do with it as she pleases be it a treat or anything she wants. sometimes all i want is to just have 10 or 15 mins when i get in yet it begins. i know people say womens in the house man goes to work, its kind of like that with us but i never get mad if tea isnt ready and will quiet happily make tea if its not done. do i really deserve the quotes above for leaving my washing on the floor oroccasionally forgetting to rinse the bath out?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  RealSupport replied 4 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation. The scenario you depict shows chronic verbal - emotional abuse.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No form of abuse is acceptable, even less coming not from a stranger but from your very spouse. You seem to be a very responsible husband and father, it doesn't seem that you are neglectful at home. Many times wives could get very frustrated and abusive when they feel overwhelmed by house chores and raising children responsibilities. I do not know if this is your case, from your message it doesn't seem so.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you are a caring parent and husband, respect your family and do your best without engaging in any form of abuse or neglect to trigger the abuse you receive from wife, then it would be clear she needs to acknowledge she has personal problems leading to this abusive approach, one that does undermine your mental and emotional health, your daughter's well-being and her own health.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

She needs then to take full responsibility for her feelings and actions, and the abuse. Coming to terms with the fact that she has been unable to eliminate verbal-emotional abuse, should lead to look for professional psychotherapy in order to work on making necessary changes.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Healthy and fulfilling relationships and families, require mutual respect, understanding and support, never abuse nor neglect. Once she start working on her personal issues she would be able to participate and benefit from marriage counseling, to learn how to communicate, cope and share in acceptable and healthy ways. You would learn to set healthy and clear boundaries and limits, assertively confronting abusive and destructive behaviors, in order not to enable further abuse and to promote a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?