Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.
Please give me a moment to read your question
I read your question. At what point of the separation process are you at? Did you or her move out of the home, or she is telling you that it is inevitable
I have been neglecting my wife for several months and i want us to get it together
Is there a reason you have been neglecting her
i moved into the other room
i have been lazy
How recent was the move to the other room
4 days ago
Since you moved to the other room, has there been any discussion regarding where the relationship is going
yes seperation from her view
she wants me to move out
Did she give you any indication on how you may be able to remedy the relationship other than her moving out?
she has made the decision and wont talk about remedies
Ok. I think you should ask her if it would be ok if you and her could talk about this further. I realize that you have not been attentive to her, but lately many people have become distracted due to so many issues that we face on a daily basis. I would tell her that you value your marriage and relationship with her, and that if you and her were to separate that it should be a decision that you make together.
If you can come to some sort of agreement that you are willing to work hard to be more attentive to her needs, would she be willing to give you another chance.
i have been married 20 years and have four children youngest 5
she says its happened before and she is over it
she says she doesnt want to push me to wake up again
Well, has it happened before? Do you believe that your neglect has contributed to the end of your marriage? Were you aware that you were being neglectful.
yes i am fully aware of that
she is a very energetic person school teacher and drama
likes to go out a lot and hates domestic chores
Have you done anything to make changes? Other than being lazy, is there anything that has contributed to you not being attentive?
she says i have been too comfortable and neglectful
yes i have gone out a few times with work people and not answered my phone or told her iwould be late
Have you admitted to the fact that you have been neglectful, that you are sorry, and you are willing to do what's needed to be a more attentive husband and father
That might be a good start. If you are able to admit it to me, then maybe it would be helpful to talk to her about it
Do you truly want this to work out?
she convinced me that she is doing me a favour
i dont know how to express myself as it would be a desperate ple
a favor? By leaving you?
have you considered couples counseling or therapy?
has it always been hard for you to express yourself
i havent talked to her about it
That would be a good start. Be honest with her. She is your wife. Relationships are built on many things, but trust is extremely important. Maybe if she knew that you had difficulty with expressing yourself, and it has always been a struggle she might be more inclined to talk to you about the things you can do to remedy the problem
I find that men tend to have difficulty expressing their feelings, especially if they were raised in an environment that sharing your feelings was frowned upon
she has a strong character and i tend to just go with what she suggests
one of 3 boys
I think it might be time for you to take the reins and let her know whats going on with you, how you truly feel, and how its been difficult to express your feelings, needs, and concerns
it won't be easy, and you might want to suggest some sort of counseling, but I think that you need to be more assertive in terms of telling that you realize the wrongs that you have done
i feel like my head is going to explode
Well, share that with her. That is why she is there, to help you.
Although you are telling me, and I am providing you with feedback, it is her that you need to talk to and let her know that you are still wanting to be with her and want to work on the relationship with her
yes i have been submissive
so, do you think you will be able to talk to her
i will probably need to type out this conversation so i can see it through
i will probably need to print out this conversation so i can see it throu
Ok. That is fine with me
i dont want to appear weak and needy
I am not sure how you would do that, but if you have trouble I think you could ask for help. You don't have to appear week. Just show her you are strong enough as a man, a husband and a father to admit when you are wrong
Please know that you can always come back and ask for feedback, suggestions, and voice concerns
is there anything else