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Advice Issue: How can I really be sure that this man trully

loves me? Where is the...
Advice Issue: How can I really be sure that this man trully loves me? Where is the final line that I say - this is not working for me? We do not see each other often, we live 4 hours of driving apart, work demands and schedule, money could be an unspoken reason. We have been dated for over a year; it is started casual and was not into him that much for a few months, but intimacy grew on me every time we met. He is the best lover I ever had, he is asking what I like and dislike and makes nad effort to please me. I enjoy having sex with him every time we are together. He can be romantic sometime without much money. There is a tension often, it hard to get together. Last few months he calls me almost every day, some time more than once. At the begining ofour relationship we texted more than phoned. He never said I love you directly, but said he daoes ina conversation. He asked me several times if I love him. He is not financially comfortable, I am welloff He is black American fromChicago lives in NYC pop artist and I am white European brought up in conservative household of UK and other country, highly educated (2 graduate degrees)health resercher. He finds me beautiful and complements my personal style - I dress and live reasonably well He is a poor dresser, a T-shirt from a second hand shop, etc. Apperance doesn't bother me that much, but I am concerned with my co-workers perception... He is humorios, knowledgble in so many cultural and other areas - I have learned from him a lot He is the only man who read me poetry once.... I do not use profanity in my vocabulary, though spoke those words of cause, profanity is norm in his daily talk He is open-minded, outgoing, and very social, I am all these too, but sometime more on a reserve side and perhaps a bit aloof He is sensual, sex is important to him and I think he bonds with a woman via sex...He likes having sex with me He also like to exchange some sexual teasing, 'dirty' text here and than, some of those messages I often found explisit and offensive - may be I am a bit prude we are mature adults, and I think he dated more women than I dated men..May be he thinks that I am not overly experienced in relationships His gift was his great painting, and treated him with a trip Some expenses shared... He doesn't shower with gifts, or flowers, but he made a medalion for me on a chain and he has a similar one out of coins that we picked at a flea market in Paris I have created good memories with him, but sometime I am divided, doubt his feeling for me; I do not thin he really loves me, there could be more to when a man trully loves a woman... I changed over a few months, I realized that I love him and expressing that feeling through different gestures was very surprising to both of us and exsiting I remember wanting to break with him every month, to end waiting for another meeting and end the visible differences. BUt everytime, desire to have him and be in his arms overrulled the previous one So, what is my trouble?
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Answered in 13 hours by:
7/7/2012
Josie-Mod
Category: Relationship
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Hi, I’m a Moderator for this topic and I wonder whether you’re still waiting for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will do my best to find a Professional to assist you right away. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
I have not received the answer yet.
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
No one responded to my question I am still waiting. When I will receive an answer?
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
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Doctor Kevin
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Thank you for choosing this website to try to get a second opinion as to your relationship. You start out with the question of how can you really be sure that this man truly loves you. Then you reply to this relationship is not working for you. This would indicate that this commitment is somewhat tenuous and definitely not meeting your needs. You point out that this has been the most intense sexual relationship you have had and you appreciate when his romantic. Currently there is tension in the relationship in part due to the fact that he is poor and you are not, he is black from Chicago and you are a white European from the UK who is highly educated. You understand haute couture and he is a poor dresser. Your willing to accept his appearance except what your coworkers may think of you. You described him as humorous, knowledgeable in the only man to read you poetry. Even your language is different and you Seroquel for from his guttural use of profanity.
You seemed confused by how opposite the two if you are. What you fail to realize is that opposites attract and the magnetic pull you feel from him is exactly polar opposite from the way you live. You know that if you continue in this relationship you must hide him from your friends and coworkers and have a clear separation between your public life in your private one. It is used to have to do the adjusting since his partner has found himself into the castle and is willing the Princess who knows that if he is ever found out that things will happen.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Thank you for the reply.


 


And my main question remains the same - how does one know if a mane loves her?


It is true, at times I am torn by the differences and how to reconcile those, any suggestions are welcome.


 


And thirdly, I am not certain if I understood this statement "It is used to have to do the adjusting since his partner has found himself into the castle and is willing the Princess who knows that if he is ever found out that things will happen."


 


Thank you again

Although it's usually pretty easy to tell when someone loves you by the words they say, how do you know you're truly loved by that person through their emotions? Here are some way to figure out if someone truly loves you and if that love is a real, solid kind of love. You can tell someone truly loves you by the way they make contact with you. If your partner kisses you lovingly, touches you in a way that makes you feel nice, hugs you tightly, and/or looks at you like he's amazed by you, chances are...he truly loves you. But much of this happens during the first year of dating so if your partner doesn't do these things anymore it doesn't mean that he doesn't truly love you. It means he is comfortable with you. A person who truly loves you will show you rather than just tell you. He may smile at you across a room, make a plate for you at dinner, or even just put the dishes away so you don't have to. These are also signs of a person who truly loves you. True love comes from showing, not telling. So listen to what your partner is saying through his actions to know if he truly loves you. Someone who truly loves you is not an extremely jealous person, does not try to hurt your feelings, and will not intentionally embarrass or make fun of you. When a partner truly loves you, he respects your feelings and allows you to have a life beyond him. He is not controlling, rude, hurtful, or spiteful. A loving partner is one who wants you to be happy even if that means putting aside his own happiness. Someone who truly loves you wants what is best for you because you feel it is best for you, not him. He gives you freedom to make your own choices and supports those choices as best he can. You can feel the love from someone who truly loves you because he makes you feel like a better person. When you are truly loved, you feel happy and content. In a loving relationship, you do not feel put down, depressed, sad, or anxious. Instead, a person who truly loves you makes you feel confident, adored, excited, and comfortable. A partner who loves you encourages you to feel good about who you are and motivates you to want to better yourself. He does not hold you back, make you feel insecure, or harm your self-esteem. True love from a partner is about making you feel better than you've ever felt. Someone who truly loves does not hinder your sense of self, but rather brings out the best in you and helps you to feel great about who you are. Someone who truly loves you puts your needs before his own. He wants you to be happy before he is and your happiness is enough to make him happy. He wants to do things that you want to do and doesn't complain about your interests or hobbies. And, even if he isn't into the things you enjoy doing, a partner who truly loves you will allow you to go off and do the things you enjoy without a guilt trip. You are the most important person to someone who truly loves you (unless of course you have kids, in which case, they should be the most important). They treat you as though they enjoy being around you and want you to feel good. This is how they put your needs ahead of their own. True love can be seen by how important you feel and know you are to the person you are with. True love is patient, kind, honest, true, respectful, and loyal. Someone who really loves you would never physically or mentally hurt you. A partner who truly loves you cares about your family and friends...even if he doesn't always like them...he is respectful. Someone who truly loves you makes you know your loved no matter what.

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Thank you. This is helpful to sort confusion out.

 

If a true love exists between us, then we should be able to reconcile the differencies, right? I assume, but that might be naive. Do you think consulting will help me or just living and trying is just enough?

 

Thank you for your advice and time.

 

I agree that love exists between the two of you should be able to reconcile your differences. I also think that getting some therapy yourself may help you understand the great differences between you and your lover and find the correct way to find a middle path between the two of you.
This anything else I can do to help please feel free to contact me in the future
Doctor Kevin
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,482
Experience: 24 years in a private practice
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Dr. Kappler,


 


Could you recommend a specilaist? Do you consult over phone?


[email protected].


Many thanks


 

this website does not allow consultation over the phone. You can find a good therapist in your area through the following website (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/)
Doctor Kevin
Category: Relationship
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