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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am trying to figure out if the woman I was seeing but not

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I am trying to figure out if the woman I was seeing but not any longer is in a rebound relationship. She had broken up with someone last yr. and a few months later we started seeing each other. I went through alot with her being hot and cold. Then after about 4 months she started drilling me about things and she started mentioning this other person that she started seeing. I kept thinking that she and I would wind up being together after she felt ready but this new person came along and she started seeing them. They lived about an hr. drive away and she made me think they were trying to figure out how to date then they started staying at her house every night very shortly afterwards..I am hurt and want to feel like there is still hope of at least being friends but not too sure. Her birthday is XXXXX one week and I am debating on sending her a text msg. birthday wishes. We have not spoken in about a month. I know she is with someone new now but I still have strong feelings for her. I will give more details if needed.
You are doing very well by giving her space. You did the right thing. It sounds like emotionally she is not attached to anyone. Whether she is or not, she is sending a strong message that she needs to not be in a committed relationship. Even if that is painful you have to find closure so that your heart no longer wants this relationship. That takes time but the heart always mends. You are living in the most painful phase right now. This will change and you will move on. I don't think a birthday message will bring you closure. This will only stir up old feelings.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I can't help but wonder if another woman I briefly dated contacted her and said things about me to pull her away from wanting to be with me, this woman knew I had feelings for the other and told me she got her pho no from my contacts in my cell phone. I strongly want to find out if she ever contacted her. Because of the timing of things and her suddenly pulling away from me after this other woman had threatened to contact her because she wanted to put a wedge between us knowing how much I liked her. I want to ask the woman I still have feelings for if the other woman ever contacted her..this would explain alot if she did because she had told me harmful things that she would tell her about me. She would only be doing this out of spite and for revenge because she knows she is not the one I want. Should I ask the one i really like if she ever contacted her? I really need to know...her feelings towards me and seeing someone else came on so sudden, it would all fit into place if she did contact her. I know she would tell me the truth if the other woman did, I had warned her about her possibly contacting her before. Again, if I find out that this woman did contact her it would help me to understand alot better about what's been going on and might explain why she is leeting someone new move in with her so sudden.
I may be tempted but I don't know if I would because even if she called her your girlfriend would have to lend merit to the information. If you think it would be helpful then there is nothing wrong with just asking. If you warned her then it would be even easier for her to dismiss the information. I think it would make you feel better so just find a tactful way to ask her.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
First of all, I am not a stalker..I went by my exes house only a few times after we split up because I was in shock because she told me she was starting to see someone else and her house sits on a back road that I have been traveling as a short cut for over 30 yrs. The new "interest" had their car parked in her driveway overnight at first almost every night..I have not been by there in almost 3 wks. and decided to take this route home late last night and their car was not there..Hmmm...I have to wonder if they are still seeing each other or not? I had already sent a message to ex saying that my feelings have changed, I do not still have an attraction but that I still care and pretty much asked to still be friends. I do not want to lose her all together. I am also wondering if she has broken off with this new person because at first their car was there almost every single night...I have never stopped by her house and don't plan to...I knew from the beginning that they were not right for each other from everything she told me...NO, I am not saying this out of having hope..I know her and what she wants..I have decided to still send her a text message on her birthday which is this week..I dont know if I will ever hear from her or not, but we do go to the same church so I will have to run into her sometime..I still think she may have feelings for me..but now I have made her think that my attraction for her is gone, which is not completely true...I just got so tired of the games and the hot and cold that I was getting from her which I know has a lot to do with her ex and how they treated her. I had decided that if this new person's car was in her driveway when I went by tonight, that it would help me to move on, but now because it wasn't, I admit I do still have a little splice of hope. I realize that it is hard for you to draw up an answer without the whole story here, but basing it on what I have said, What do you think? I still have not asked her if the other woman I briefly date ever contacted her.
I would never say someone is a stalker. I don't think it is out of the question to ask her but it may open up some new feelings. Sometimes people aren't meant to be together but you should do what makes you feel better. Sometimes it does help to just get everything out in the open. In the end you want a friend and how you act that out is up to you

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