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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi there! I have been dating this girl for about 3 months

Customer Question

Hi there! I have been dating this girl for about 3 months and I am not really sure what to do. I really like her and want to be with her long-term. However, she has said that she is not completely sure but still wants to keep seeing me because she likes me etc. She even asked to meet my family and wanted me to meet part of hers. However, she has been holding back a little bit and also if she doesnt see how "good" I am and appreciates that fully then it may be best to move on. So I told her that it is best we take a break and we go our separate ways and see what happens. Part of me did that in order to make her realize what she may be missing out on, because people dont really appreciate what they have until it is gone. I believe that when she get some space and time to reflect she will come back to me. What is your experience with this? What is your advice?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I think taking a break can be used successfully to clear both your heads as to what you want and to give her a chance to think about the qualities that she will now miss. It has been used ineffectively however when a partner is not committed to focusing on the relationship. It really depends on the two people and what your expectations are during this break. I think you should talk to her about all of your concerns and see if she is undecided because that is her personality or if there is something lacking in the relationship. Then make a plan on how to fix it. If she wants to meet your family and she wants to keep seeing you then she must have feelings for you but you can't be asked to while she sit while she remains undecided. I think I would ask the hard questions and see where her heart really is. Taking a break could allow her to meet other people and return to being single. That is a tricky option. I think open communication is a more safe option than a break. She should know your good qualities and appreciate them.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well, she said she feels im a bit too serious etc. That was one of her reasons but I strongly believe (which she agreed with as well) it has to do more with timing etc. She is just not ready to settle down for a more serious relationship at the moment. She travels once a month, parties quite a lot, going away for 3 weeks in july etc. Therefore, she is a bit reluctant to commit, she isnt quite ready and the timing isnt right for her etc. Does this make sense? How does that put a different spin on it?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Yes, it seems that the issue isn't the relationship but timing. This is very common. A break may sever the relationship when it could have had a positive future. Timing is not a serious issue unless one partner gets tired of waiting. She may become focused on the relationship in her own time. A break could seem like an ultimatum. If you have an understanding that you won't see other people then you may have to be patient for her to come around. If you want the relationship then it could be worth the wait. In the meantime ask for what you want with the exception of a phase she is not ready for.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
so you basically think that I should tell her i screwed up to suggest the break and ask her to continue where we were and just be patient...? How long should I wait around? She said it is progressing in right part of me thinks its a good idea... but at the same time, she is still unsure about some things and still not ready to commit etc...
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I think patience is your best option. You should decide for yourself about how long. That is so subjective. She could be open to commitment at some point and you will be glad you waited. If she think it is progressing then she is saying she is open to a commitment just at a later date