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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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Broke up ayear ago after 5 years together,it was a painful

Customer Question

hi,broke up ayear ago after 5 years together,it was a painful breakup,i still love him but he's moved on. After we split i discovered i was pregnant and had termination,i didnt tell him at the time because he wouldnt talk to me ignored emails and calls,i eventually told him in an email and he wont acknowledge it,completely ignored it,no sorry,nothing,think thats all i wanted him to say but he didnt. I year down the line he suggests we stay friends so i've asked to meet him and disscuss what happened,however everytime i try to make contact he blanks me,i dont understand why he wont talk not even on the phone? told him he doesnt have to meet face to face but i feel it would help me move on if i could make some sense of what happened.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 5 years ago.
Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 5 years ago.
I am very sorry you are still hurting over your breakup. It will help me give you my best advice is I have a bit more information. What was your relationship like when you were together? Was he attentive, caring? Why did you not tell him you were pregnant at the time? Have you been in a relationship since the breakup? If you don't mind, please tell me your age.
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 5 years ago.
As you seem to have gone offline, I am going to go ahead with my answer for you with the information that you have given in your question. I know that you believe seeing him in order to find out what happened with your relationship will help you move on, but you cannot trust that he will meet with you. We cannot know why he would not or will not communicate with you, but I do know that it is very emotionally unhealthy for you to continue hoping that he will. You deserve a truly caring, loving relationship, dear, and I seriously doubt if this can happen with him. The best way to move on is to begin focusing on you and your feelings, not his. I am wondering if you have really dealt with your emotions over the termination. You may have avoided those feeling by focusing on him. I strongly recommend that you find a therapist to help you work through all of this. In therapy you will find the compassion and understanding you are seeking from him in a professional, safe, consistent and reliable setting. You may go to to search for therapists where you live in the UK. I hope this is helpful to you. Chat back if you need anything further. I am in the US so there is a time difference and I am not always online, but I will get back to you as soon as possible. If you are satisfied with my answer, please give me a positive rating and click on submit. If we do not chat again, I wish you healing and a healthy loving relationship in your future, take care, Eleanor