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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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what to do with a relationship

Customer Question

what to do with a relationship
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
You have been there for who in a friendship for quite a long time and she has found comfort in the friendship. I wouldn't give up this friendship because of her leaving work. She is going through a tough time right now I'm sure with the transition. She lost her job and has to change her life in a new way. She really needs a friend right now and you being in this friendship so long, she enjoys talking with you. You don't want her to lose you as a friend and her job at the same time, I'm sure she feels bad she has to leave. You both can still talk online, so you can comfort her in this difficult time. She is stating that in another world you both would have had children. She is saying that she is married and has children, but if things were different in her life, things would change. But she wants you in her life.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I agree to a point, We started as friends, became too involved, when she called emailed it was behind her husbands back though she never told me so. Same with we hid all of this for years, never said feelings to each other for all the time, but it was all there, just never no touching. The day she left, she said she wanted to stay in contact forvere, I told her I don't know how we can keep doing this, your husband doesn't like me. I don't and never did want to ruin her marriage even though I had feelings for her and viceversa. Like I said, having children was the last thing she sdai to me, we hugged, she cried and drove off. That was 10 days ago. I emailed her the other day, she now tells me her husband would approve of us being friends. Somehow, I don't belive that. Should I still be her friend? Should I still e mail her. Do feelings change over a week? bUT THE LAST THING i WANT TO DO IS HURT HER
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
Feelings can change because some times people get nervous about how they feel about someone they often protect themselves from hurt by backing away. She has mentioned that her husband is ok with you and her being friends which is great. You also have to get use to things changing, it is also an adjustment for you. You often seen her at work and now you are not. I wouldn't give up this friendship I would see how you both feel about the adjustments first. She has clearly stated that she wants you in her life forever. She is not going to let your friendship go. If her husband is ok with you both being friends maybe you both will be able to go out places at times. It would give her a chance to talk about things in her life.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
so you are saying that even though the cards were put on the table of how we felt to each other, everything but saying the word love, you still think it can still be a good friendship, meaning lets just throw away all feelings towards each other
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 5 years ago.
I really do think you both could have a good friendship because you both have know each other a long time. You wouldn't be throwing away your feelings for each other, those will always be there, but I feel you both can have a great friendship even though she is no longer working where you work.