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John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 626
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I was seeing a guy a year ago, and things were okay, but there

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I was seeing a guy a year ago, and things were okay, but there were a few issues. I ended the relationship once, he asked me to reconsider and after a weekend together. He ended the relationship.
It was shortly after that he started contacting me again and since March he has been asking me out regularly. We had an amazing talk on Saturday where we discussed everyting and he asked me to try again. I agreed and this week has been wonderful. On Thursday he invited me over to his house to have dinner with his mom. I unfortunately couldn't make it. On Friday I didn't hear from him and I thought maybe he was just busy with work, so i went out with friends. On Saturday I still didn't hear from him and thought this is very strange. Sunday I decided to call him and when I did he said his feelings has changed and he doesn't want to continue with the situation. I asked him what situation and he said seeing me. I am completely confused and can't understand what just happened. He begged me to give him another chance, he has been asking me out every week, and then we have an amazing talk and he just ends it. I asked him to meet me to discuss things but he was so rude to me over the phone. I actually can't believe it's the same person. I phoned him 3 times yesterday and he answered in the end and he agreed to meet me. I am so hurt that I don't even know what to say. A big part wants him back and another part of me, hates him for doing this to me twice. I can't focus at work today. The only answer he gave me for ending it, is that his feelings changed. I just can't understand it. Not after the week we had and him contacting me on Thursday to have dinner with his mom. How do I find out the truth and move on. Or is there a chance I can correct this and still be with him.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but advice. I do hope I can help you though. I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you really like this guy. I'm thinking he does you too, but for whatever reason is apprehensive of getting too close. It seems to me if you are to have a relationship with this gentleman, you are in for a roller coaster ride. Only you can decide if he is worth the ups and downs. I would probably call off the meeting and be done with it, but that is me. If you are willing to go this ride with him, who knows, in the end, it might pay off. I'm just thinking it might take a while and a few more break-ups. If you care that much though...
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for your advice.
I think my feelings for this man is so strong that I had to see him. I went to see him last night and he told me that he feels the same way about me. That he still really likes me and love seeing me. He said his feelings towards me haven't changed, but from the beginning there were always two sides to the relationship. On the one hand everything is perfect and on the other hand he doesn't think we are good for each other. When I asked him what he means, he couldn't really give me an answer. I told him how I feel about him and that I missed him the weekend. He said he feels the same way about me. I discussed with him that I’m extremely upset over the way he handled things on Sunday and that he should not have convinced me last Saturday to try again and a week later he ends it. And again he replied and said he meant every word he said and his feelings about me haven’t changed. I asked him when did he change his mind about the relationship and he said the last time he saw me. Now again that I find strange, because I saw him last on Wednesday and everything was great. The next morning he texted me a joke, and in the afternoon he asked me to come meet him and his mom for dinner. As I said, I unfortunately couldn't make it. And on Friday I didn't hear from him. He kept saying last night that he still feels the same way about me, but when I told him that I missed him, he didn’t reciprocate. He said that he was very shocked when I ended it last Saturday. He said he would like to stay friends and be on good terms. I ended the meeting and when we got up, I looked at him and said that I still care about him and still want to see him. And I said I think he feels the same way. He then said, let’s give it a few days. He then kissed me and I left. I’m not sure what to make of it. Maybe I’m wrong but I did get the feeling we feel the same way about each other. Is there anything more I can do at this point to get him back or do you think he was just being decent? I’m just struggling to understand that he would try for 3 months to convince me to be with him. Ask me out so often and every chance he gets tell me how much he cares about me.

If you wish to have a chance in this relationship, I would say from what I am seeing, you give him the space he is asking for. You be his friend, don't crowd him, and see if in time he comes around. How long that.might take and if ever you cannot know. The question you must ask yourself is, are you willing to put your life on hold for this fellow on the chance he might one day reciprocate your love for him? And then, how long Will it last? In the end it might pay of, but that is a huge risk on your part. That is a big choice for you to make. I hope I have been helpful.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you, Do you think he is not as invested as I am?
Why did he persue me for so long? And last Saturday told me how much he wants to be with me? I'm just confused.
From your reply now, i feel that you think he is not that invested in me? is that because he broke up with me? Or could it be because I broke up with him and then let him down by not joining him and his mom for dinner on Thursday? If he doesn't come back in the next few weeks, I will move on.
No, I do not feel that he is as invested as you are. Sometimes a fellow lives for the pursuit, He wanted you as long as he could not have you. It is possible now that he has you he is looking to pursue elsewhere. Your best chance with him might be to make yourself unavailable. Whether or not he is worth that routine is a difficult choice you must make. I do hope the best for you.
John-Michaels and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I guess it's very hard to come to terms with the situation.
For the past 3 months, he has asked me out and in the past month he invited me out with his friends and family. Where I did not. I was also the one who said we should take things slow and he told me that he wants us to give our relationship another try. He told me several times how much he care about me and really like me. And how much fun we have together. How can it all be for the persuit?
When I ended it a while ago, I told him I ended things because I'm still dealing with some trust issues, but i still care about him so much. That same day he contacted me and said, he knows that I feel the same way that he does, so why would I leave. And then after a great talk, I agreed to give it another try.
Yesteray I said, "tell me you don't want to see me anymore, because you are giving me the feeling you still do" And he replied, Let's give it a few days? Would he not have said, no let's move on?

He might feel as much care for you as you do him right now. I am just not sure he is as committed to making it work. Really, if you do want to give it a try, you do as he asked. Give him a few days and see if he calls. Do not try to convince him of anything. He knows how to get hold of you. If he doesn't contact you in a set amount of time, then you have your answer. If he does, you go from there, Do not pursue him though. If you do, that is the standard you are setting for the entirety of your relationship. my guess is, he will contact you, but there is no guarantee.

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Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hello, after the evening that we met. I left it for a day and then sent him a message to say that I'm sorry that he felt that he had to do all the work and that I wasn't really making an effort (something he mentioned that night). I then just ended the message saying that I still want to see him and if he feels the same way maybe we could meet for a coffee sometime. He responded and said he would like to meet for a drink soon. That evening he sent me several text messages all jokes and nothing serious. He was sick and he asked me if I'll be his nurse. We just joked around. The next day he sent me text messages that were very flirtatious and we joked around again. That was the Friday, he did say that he was sick and we just chatted about what he needs to take to get better. The Saturday I didn't hear from him and i didn't communicate either. The Sunday evening he sent me a few text messages again. And first thing on Monday he started chatting again. The same with today, he keeps sending me text messages. He just now told me he dreamt about me last night. I'm not sure what to make of it. He hasn't asked me out and i'm not comfortable asking him. I can't imagine he just wants to be friends because the messages are too flirtatious. But then he doesn't ask me out. The thing is, if he is not interested in a relationship. I want to move on. And actually not speak to him every day anymore.
Do you think I should just play it out?
Honestly, that choice is totally yours. If you are interested in pursuing a relationship, I would almost go ahead and ask hIm what his intentions are. at this point there seems to be nothing to lose, If he mentions taking it slowly and such again, I think i would call it off. This is your decision though. If you can continue as is, it may eventually develop, but definitely no guarantees.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hello, I was thinking to call it off. But he has not stopped contacting me, first thing in the morning he sents me a message wishing me well for the day always ending the messages with a "x".
This morning again the same and then he asked me to come over to his house for dinner tonight. So i agreed. He sent a few more messages that were very flirtatious and not sounding like he wants to take things easy.
There has been a major chance in his behaviour the past week. He is very interested in my work and family and friends and asks a lot of questions. But i remember what you said, that this could be good for a while until he ends it again over nothing.. Thank you for your help.
Hope every thing works out!
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