Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hi. My name is Dan. I am a licensed professional counselor who works with families and couples. I would be happy to help with your question.
It sounds like this is a bit of a challenge in your relationship, but it sounds like you two have a lot of other positive things to build on. I will wait for a couple minutes to see is you come back online. If you don't then I will switch over to q&A format to answer you question as best I can.
Thank you very much for the helpful advice you have given in answering my question. I was hopeful that this issue that my boyfriend and I are dealing with could be worked through, to know that we can still have a happy and successful relationship. We have only been living together for about 8 months now (and the amount of time we have been together as he moved from the other side of the country to be here with me and so we had to jump in with both feet sort to speak). We knew each other as teenagers and reconnected after 20+ years being apart. We have a wonderful opportunity that most people don't get in life (a second chance for love after so long). We spent a week of vacatoin together prior to his move out here and sex was very different at that time (it was constant) so it left me confused once we moved in together that there was this huge drop off in his sex drive. Of course, the excitement of finally being together after so many years, being in a "on vacation" state of mind where nothing else was interferring probably had a big impact on the frequency of sex at that time. When I mention that he has a lack of a sex drive, I mean that he does not initiate it at all. It's difficult for him to do that because he doesn't have the feelings of arousal to want to initiate. Although, he has told me that when we do have sex that he enjoys it very much. That is important to me. You are so right when you point out that we have a lot of other good things about our relationship to focus on. I know that sex isn't love and as I age my sex drive is going to wane as well so I remind myself of that fact and know that eventually we are going to be more near being on the same page in the respect of sex drive level. Your perspective of the situation is comforting to me. Especially that you are a man and you have insight of the opposite sex to better explain that side of things. I think as long as the bigger picture is kept in mind rather than focusing on the problem (not that it doesn't deserve attention, but shouldn't be treated as a thorn in the side, or chore as you said) that I can keep a positive outlook. I appreciate your time and advice! Tammy