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Is it easy for your girlfriend 42 to break up with you suddenly…

Is it easy for your...
Is it easy for your girlfriend 42 to break up with you suddenly and cut all regular communication with you when there was nothing broken or wrong between us? My girlfriend felt she had to choose either her boyfriend or mother, because her mother did not like me. She chose her mother. There was no abuse between us in our relationship for 2 yrs.
She explained that she feels that her mother has been more of a mother to her 3yrs old son than herself when she is at work most of the day. Is it that easy for someone to cut ties so quickly with their partner, fearing that she no longer wants her son hurt by his grandmother when she find out the went out together to punish her? Basically I'm asking is it that easy for her to cut ties and being 2yrs together or do you think she still misses me?
She has told me this past Feb that quote "you are the one that I love, the one who has my heart. I just exist without you, but I only truly live when I am with you. Just always know that."
It's hard to believe those words, when suddenly she cuts all communication with me and does not answer my calls. Yes, she is caught in the middle, and it's too painful for her to see her mother say mean things to her son and act that she does not love her grandson because she continued to see me. I just don't understand the sudden silence now for the past 2 weeks. I'm just worried that she will get used to be without me and forget her feelings about me. All that we worked for the past 2 years. Is that possible?
randy
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
6/15/2012
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Verified

Dr Rossi :

Hi,

Dr Rossi :

If you're wondering if it is easy for her to emotionally face this separation, there could be different possibilities. 1) she's relying on her mother and fears that if she does not please her, she'd lose whatever it is her mother is offering to her (even if it is caring for her sone) 2) she had started to emotionally distance herself from you over a period of time, as a result of which the break up is not as hard for her to face 3) she's not sure what she wants and this separation is somewhat of an experiment for her

Dr Rossi :

Of course, other factors can be playing a role in this. It would make a difference knowing what she wants out of the relationship in the end. Two years are quite some time to invest with someone and just break up because her mother does not seem to like you.

Dr Rossi :

Could it be possible that her mother had told her that there is no future for her staying with you? She may have influenced her decision especially if your girlfriend had believed her

Customer:

Yes, and I don't want to waste those 2yrs.

Dr Rossi :

Is there any idea if she wants to try reunification?

Dr Rossi :

Or is she saying this is it?

Dr Rossi :

Because she's giving you mixed messages

Dr Rossi :

You're right- it's hard to believe her words when her actions are contradictory

Dr Rossi :

How long has she not answered your calls?

Dr Rossi :

Randy, are you still online? When was the list time that the two of you communicated?

Customer:

I feel that she is trying to start to emotionally distance herself from me. Is it that easy for her to forget that we talked about getting married several times?

Dr Rossi :

How easy it is for her would be based on her coping skills as well as if she believes that this is the right thing to do. If on the other hand she's hesitant and challenges what her mother is saying, then it would be difficult.

Customer:

sorry, I did not realize that you were still with me. I didn't scroll down.

Dr Rossi :

Her silence is what she's using to emotionally distance herself from you even further.

Dr Rossi :

What makes it difficult to deal with is like you said there were not arguments/fights and it seemed sudden

Dr Rossi :

Is there any sort of contact at all ex: email/texs?

Customer:

Yes, it is painful for her to see her son hurt so many times by her mother verbally and fears that whenever she see me. When her son talks about me to his grandmother she take it out on this 3yrs old. Then my gf has to do damage control for weeks.

Customer:

yes, a couple day ago she has texted me about something concerning her brother.

Customer:

we did not talk about our relationship. I thought I give her space.

Dr Rossi :

Why is she giving so much control to her mother? Does she rely on her for her finances?

Dr Rossi :

Were you living together?

Customer:

No, she feels that her son needs his grandmother more than he needs me. She feels that he does not have a daddy which ran out on them before he was born and fear knowing that her mother will take herself out of their lives forever.

Dr Rossi :

It's unfortunate for her to see things in all black and white.

Customer:

She does rely on her to watch her son and does admit that her mother is more of a mother to her son than she is. Since she has to work so much. No she does not rely on any finances on her mother. It's the opposite, her mother depends more on her for finances. Yes, I have lived with them for a little over a year.

Dr Rossi :

Since you're wondering about how she may feel about the break up, if she is doing this because of fear of her mother, it would be difficult to deal w/ her feelings. She may feel torn apart and making a sacrifice (at least thinking that she's doing this) for her son.

Customer:

Her mother did not know I was separated when I was dating her daughter. When she found out I was not divorced. Shit hit the fan.

Customer:

I am now divorced now, but her mother will still not forgive me.

Dr Rossi :

Did you get the feeling that she wanted the relationship to go to the next stage- marriage?

Customer:

I feel that she is sacrificing our relationship for her son. She explained that there is nothing she can do now and out of options or answers.

Customer:

yes, definitely. We would have gotten married.

Customer:

I have so much to off, being a husband, a father to her son which he never had. Medical insurance covering both of them and travel benefits for everyone because I work for an airline.

Dr Rossi :

That is unfortunate because she does not have to sacrifice the relationship. Maybe some time apart will let her see things differently?

Dr Rossi :

Her mother is not living her life!

Customer:

Is it that easy for her to disconnect me from her life so suddenly?

Dr Rossi :

And her mother will not be there forever

Dr Rossi :

After a while, she may start to resent her mother

Dr Rossi :

It's not easy for anyone to do something like that.

Dr Rossi :

She most likely is trying to get through this on her own

Customer:

That's how I feel. I'm not dating her mother, but the daughter.

Dr Rossi :

It's after all what she decided to do. Time could let her see things in a different light

Customer:

I think my gf is a sensible person, do you think time away will help?

Customer:

I

Customer:

I'm scared that she will get used to being without me.

Customer:

I just wonder if she misses me and hopefully let me know how she feels deep inside.

Dr Rossi :

Yes time can bring in different experiences and perspective

Customer:

what do you think?

Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Verified
Dr Rossi and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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I think that she has to experience this for herself and allow herself to decide for herself rather than be influenced by her mother to this extent. The time apart may show her that life with mother is one thing and with you another.
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