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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I have been dating this woman for 4 years. She has 3 girls

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I have been dating this woman for 4 years. She has 3 girls 16, 13 and 13 and she lives in town with her parents. Her kids take up the biggest part of her life, then comes her family (especially her parents). I don't think her kids respect her or her space. At times they talk back to her, they have broken a few of personal items of hers, and they do not appreciate the sacrifice their mom makes for them. Her parents are still acting like her parents. We were at a point we were thinking about getting married. I was really active in her life and her kids life. I would see her parents occasionally. We were talking about our relationship and taking a step forward, when she told me that her parents have a problem with me because I haven't spent enough time with them and they felt like I was "too nice."

That conversation set our relationship back light years. I feel like I am simply existing in the relationship because I am not participating as much as I used too. Her idea of a family includes her kids, her parents and her brothers. My idea only includes her and the kids. Is there any hope?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. Of course there is hope. You are going to have to have a conversation with her about this. I would reconsider marriage until this gets worked out to your and her satisfaction. Tell her how you feel and about your concerns about your future. Her parents will always act like her parents, that is their job. We all come to a point in life where we still respect our parents' opinions, but when their judgments interfere with our future, that is a problem. It is her responsibility to manage the balance between her choice in a partner and her blood family. The botXXXXX XXXXXne here is that there is always hope, if both people are open with their communications and you both can reach an understanding. Never hold back feelings, it will only cause problems in the future. Explain how you feel that you are simply existing and see how she responds. Go from there. If you feel you want to spend more time with her parents, then make an effort to do so, but only if you want to, don't do it out of obligation. Just be open and honest.
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