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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3490
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I cant get myself to break up with my boyfriend and I need

Resolved Question:

I can't get myself to break up with my boyfriend and I need help. Help!!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

why do you want to and what is preventing you from doing so.

Customer:

I want to because I feel like Im not happy with him anymore. Its constant arguing and fighting and I really want to just be done with it but every single time I make up my mind to do it, he just completely changes my mind


 

Customer:
Customer:

i've made up my mind a thousand times to do it but i cant


 

CoachJenK :

Often in these situations i suggest following your gut but if the complete break doesnt feel right then waht about advocating for some space so that you can see how you feel

CoachJenK :

I also hear how sure you really are on this and by letting him convince you to stay doesnt honor your truth

Customer:

i've tried that but he saw it as a complete breakup and he got really really upset and he started to get all emotional and I couldnt do it


 

CoachJenK :

I think it is important to see here that you are honoring his needs to the detriment of your own

CoachJenK :

he needs to get support to deal with his emotions around this

Customer:

i doubt he would ever do that lol

CoachJenK :

that is up to him to do that for himself...I am just trying to get you to see how you are sacrificing your needs for his and this isnt healthy for either one of you

Customer:

yea i get that i guess its just hard to do because we have been together for what seems like forever

CoachJenK :

yes and because you care for him and i am not suggesting you be callous but at what point do you matter enough to honor your needs?

Customer:

so do you think thats what i should be remembering when i try to do it? my needs?


 

CoachJenK :

amen!!!!

CoachJenK :

they dont seem to matter but from where I sit they do.

CoachJenK :

you are entitled to be happy and if you arent you are entitled to make decisions that move you closer to feeling happy

Customer:

yea ok that makes sense

CoachJenK :

so be supportive and caring but dont lose the support and caring of yourself and that is what has happened here.

Customer:

ok lol we shall see but thank you

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. come and request me anytime yo uneed support.

CoachJenK :

please click accept if i have been helpfulk

CoachJenK :

sorry for my typos

Customer:

its alright

CoachJenK :

can I support you any further?

Customer: I already accepted your answer and the money has already been taken out of my account
CoachJenK :

The accept has not gone through. The money you gave was for a deposit and i am only credited when you click accept. But as this chat is still open it reflects that the accept has not gone through.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you