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Hi I met a girl on an Internet dating site her last two relationships

Customer Question
ended badly she hasn't told...
Hi I met a girl on an Internet dating site her last two relationships ended badly she hasn't told me too much about what happened but I know she's been treated badly in the past we hit it off very good she told me that I turned her on and what parts of me she liked the most and that she loved me then one day out of the blue she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship this blew me out of the water as I love her and can't stop thinking about her I feel she's scared of being hurt again I've tried to talk her though it telling her that I want to be there for her and that I would never do her any harm but to no evail I know she does have a lot of feeling for me and I don't want too push the subject too hard as this would push her further away I need some advice to win her back without scaring her off or making myself look like a weirdo
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 1 minute by:
6/5/2012
Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 5 years ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,692
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I think the best thing you can do right now is to continue being steady for her while respecting her space.

CoachJenK :

She needs this time to feel safe and if you come on too strong you could push her away

CoachJenK :

I think if you are calm and steady without being overbearing then in time she may miss you and realize she is safe with you

CoachJenK :

she does like you and you are correct that she is probably scared.

Customer: yes I agree if I keep trying I will come across as overbearing how do let her know that I'm there without being overbearing?
CoachJenK :

great question...

CoachJenK :

you can let her know by saying to her....I really like you, that is clear. I also know that you are a bit cautious and I understand that. I am here and want to date and get to know each other better. i wont do anything to make you uncomfortable...just know i am here to go as slowly as you need.

CoachJenK :

and then ask her for her guidance on how to proceed.

CoachJenK :

can i text you? can I ask you to dinner? I will let you take the lead.

Customer: I was thinking about getting some flowers sent to her house and writing a romantic poem to go with it
CoachJenK :

how does that feel for you?

CoachJenK :

too much.

CoachJenK :

that could feel like too much pressure. read my thoughts above and tell me what you think.

CoachJenK :

as a woman if I was unsure and scared I would not want the flowers and poems.

Customer: Mmm i think that would be ok
CoachJenK :

but you want to do more...I can tell

Customer: What do you mean
CoachJenK :

I am wondering if you feel that what I suggested isnt enough and you want to do more still...like the flowers

Customer: I think dinner would be a good idea
CoachJenK :

yes but ask her how she would like you to be during this time for her...meaning..."are you okay if I ask you to dinner?"

Customer: What do you think about telin her that she's always on my mind
CoachJenK :

you want her to know you care but not push her to do more than she is capable now

CoachJenK :

for me it would feel like too much....I think she knows that....I am leaning more toward being sublte, and comforting in your pursuit.

CoachJenK :

I know your desire is to tell and show her you are over the moon for her, but she is needing things to be a bit slower and my worry is if you go over the top she will move away from you.

Customer: Yes sounds good I just wasn't sure what would be too pushy
CoachJenK :

i am glad you are asking...we can all get confused when we feel strongly for someone else.

CoachJenK :

Be yourself and be the gentleman you are and respect where she is and in time your gentle support of her space can go a long way to having her feel safe with you.

Customer: Yes in the short time we have known each other I think things did progress abit fast
CoachJenK :

and that can feel a bit scary for anyone even if they havent had some hard times in the past. you are on the right track here.

CoachJenK :

you feeling okay about things and how to proceed with her?

Customer: Yes she also has two young children I guess she would be abit careful aswell concerning them
CoachJenK :

ahhhh thank you for giving me more info. Yes of course!!!!!

CoachJenK :

she needs to take things slowly as she has them to think about too

Customer: Yes thank you you have been a big help
CoachJenK :

you can come to me anytime. All you have to do is request me

Customer: Ok
CoachJenK :

can I support you anymore now?

Customer: No I think that's all for the moment I just didn't know what was to
CoachJenK :

you are doing great. I think if you stay calm and steady without going overboard you are on the right track.

CoachJenK :

please click accept if i have been helpful.

Customer: Whoops pressed the wrong button I wasn't sure what would be comin on to strong but on theother hand i don't want to lose her as I have never met someone like her and I think she is very special
CoachJenK :

and i am so glad you reached out so we can go through it and I can also share the womans perspective and also the Mom's perspective.

Customer: Ok thanks for your help I'll see how I go if I need any more help I'll give ya a call thanks again bye
CoachJenK :

perfect. I look forward to it. Please click accept.

CoachJenK :

I am only credited for my work if you click accept.

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,692
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Verified
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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3,692
3,692 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

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