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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I have been dating Bob for 4 years. He has just been offered

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I have been dating Bob for 4 years. He has just been offered an expate position in Japan for two years. He is not offering to marry me such that I would go with him. He is offering to bring me over for a month after he gets settled. I am really torn. On the one hand, I feel I should just cut my loses now and move on and on the other, I feel I should love him until he goes and see what happens?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : It definately seems as though you've reached a decision point in your relationship.
KansasTherapist : If, after four years, he still isn't prepared to to get married, it would be surprising if he ever would. If getting married is something you want to do, he seems like the wrong guy for you. If, on the other hand, marriage isn't a big issue for you, but you still enjoy the relationship, you might want to wait to see what happens.
KansasTherapist : Has he ever said he's interested in marriage?

Yes, he says he is not ready. He is divorced and had a nasty split. I've held on bc he has always said he does want to get married again. Would you just stay with him until he goes - about three months from now. We were also planning to go to a family wedding (his) in a couple of weeks ...


KansasTherapist : What do you think he would say if you told him you don't want to wait to get married anymore?

Are you still there? having trouble with reply


KansasTherapist : Payees, I'm here.
KansasTherapist : Let's switch to Q&A mode. That worlds better.
KansasTherapist : Payees was supposed to be yes. My spell check is crazy.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
The reply wasn't working. I think he would be relieved. He says he loves me and he will be back in two years, but he is not ready for engagment or marriage.
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
It really doesn't should like you see a future in this relationship. If this isn't what you want, there is no reason to continue being with him.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

would you go to a family wedding (his) in a couple of weeks and spend time with him before he leaves...leave it on as positive a note as possible?

Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
Leaving things on a positive note is a good idea whenever possible. If spending time with him until he leaves would do that, it's fine. The only issue is, when a relationship is ending, sometimes a lot of anger comes out. It's better to end it sooner if there are going to be angry arguments.
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