Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
are you still spending time with each other or has that changed as well?
i work away from home, but when im home yes, we cant seem to be apart.
and when you ask her why the texts and calls ahve slowed down what is her response?
she says she doesnt know. i just came back to work from a week off with her and things have been totally different since i returned to work. she was always so sweet telling me she misses me and wants me etc and now its as though weve been married for years.
I think the best thing you can do is ask her if her feelings toward you have changed and if she isn't feeling what she was when you first got together.
was the connection good when you were with her for the week?
she says shes scared. whats that suppose to mean. i make her feel special, she says shes never been happier and now shes scared...yes the connection was good. im away now for 2 weeks then we are flying to san francisco for a week together, i dont understand why shes being hurtful towards me.
shes scared because she feels so deeply for you and it is bringing up her fears around it not working out
that can happen when we feel deeply.
sO if the connection was good I would only focus on that and show her that you are there and consistent...not with words but by being the same man you have that has had her fall for you
i know she feels deeply about me, but im feeling as though im losing her instead of moving forward. its as if we have stalled.
no i think she is just protecting her heart a bit...keep being the loving man you are and she will begin to feel less scared
try not to pressure her
the more steady you are the more she can rely on your love
and you can also give her some reassurance....I love you and I am not going anywhere...you are safe.
lol. shes been telling me that.
us chicks think alike! :-)
we are a tough nut to crack.
its very frustrating having these feelings and kinda having a regime we used for a month when i was away with talking to each other in the am, txtng each other periodically thru the day and saying good night to each other on the phone, not happening now.
yes it is hard to take what feels like a step backwards.
a little space around it may help too...so she can miss you....
im thinkin that this is what it is, a step backwards, i dont like that.
yes but it is more about self protection for her...she is worried now that she is in deep you will break her heart, but what she isnt realizing is that she already is in deep and either way her heart will be hurting if you are not together.
but when you go away to San Fran show her the best time and the best connection between the two of you
she gave me closet space to put clothes at her house, i have met some of her kids, they all like me, i give her everything possible to make her life less stressful and easier to be happy. dont laugh but she is a mother of 7 and i have taken on a big chore but am willing and happy to do so.
holy moly...mom of 7..big kudos to her.
keep doing all that you have and know that she is crazy busy and it could also be that now that she is comfortable with you she doesnt feel like she needs to reach out as much but it doesnt mean she feels anything less for you
ya shes only 33 as well. shes amazing and wonderful, was married to a mormon guy, but not no more obviously.
and now shes got a guy who isnt a moron...so go with the flow a bit!
so just give her space and wait for her to contact me first from now on?
Youre fun...I can tell..she doesn't want to lose that...let it ride!
be yourself and if you feel like reaching out...then do...but just know mom of 7? ay not a minute to herself
Im a mom of 3 year old twins and I can hardly find a second!
i think i am fun, and i really do care about her, she thot being a mother of 7, i would run and i didnt, so now all i try to do is show her im not running.
yes exactly!!!!! now you got it! keep doing all that you are. She would be silly to let you go...she just thinks you will first so she is protecting.
am i trying to hard then?
are you letting her breathe at all?
im not sure !
are you texting her tons and tons?
we txt quite a bit, she usually starts but i keep on going...
i spoil her and the kids as much as possible also.
ok I dont want you to lose what is natural for you, but just pay attention a bit and see if it could feel smothering...
you can even ask her that...do I smother you?
and if the answer is yes then i just walk away?
no you dont walk away you let her know you will work on it to give her more space
that you want her to communicate to you what she needs and the same for you
shes said how she wants me to be part of all things in her life. she tells me she wishes i was at these ball games with her to experience the wonderful moments etc etc i didnt think i would be smothering her by wanting to know everything and trying to interact as much as possible.
I agree it doesnt sound it either....lets just chalk it up to a few things...fear of losing you, being incredibly busy as a mom and moving into more of a comfortable space with you
so as best you can then lets not put too much meaning to things....the connection is great and that is the focus
i will give this approach a try and see if it helps, i hope she doesnt get further away from me thats my biggest fear now.
yes and you both have fears which could make you hold on tighter...so yes give it a try and come back and request me anytime.
please click accept if i have been helpful
okay i will thank you.