replied 5 years ago.
I was also thinking of sending her an email, not sure when's appropriate, but having sorted this stuff out on Saturday I know she doesn't want to have anymore heavy discussions because as the relationship started at her fast pace, then she quickly slowed it to a stop without saying what she wanted until Saturday, this caused me some confusion so I was always talking about "us" and asking questions which put her under pressure all the time.
However, as she said I don't listen to what she wants, I wanted her to have a record that in fact I do listen to what she's asked, an email that she doesn't have to reply to or even refer to - It means she can have confidence that I did listen, but in a format that means we don't have to talk about heavy stuff again which i know worries her.
I just felt that this weekend she may have made another decision because I know she thinks I can't have a slower relationship with her, so I want to give her some confidence that I can - I realise I am trying to pre-empt a negative move that she may or may not make, but I just don't want to be dumped again only to have to send the email then and try to pick up the pieces....Would you mind having a read of it for me and tell me what you think? It will also help you to understand a bit more about what's been going on:
Clearly I know this is a very long email. Rather than being intense or applying any pressure, its only purpose actually is to remove completely and utterly ALL of the pressure that you've been under from me/us just recently.
Having had a lot of driving time and general time to myself to think over the past few days, I do now fully understand and appreciate what you said on Saturday and how it is that you want us to be together now and actually I agree with everything you said without exception.
I am not ignoring that one of the things you said you don't want is to talk about this kind of heavy stuff anymore - However, you also told me one of your major issues with me is that you believe I don't listen to you - So I want to write down the things that you said so that you have a record that I do listen as I don't want for you to be constantly fearing that things will slip back to how they were - I have too much respect for you and what you want (and too much self-respect) to allow that to happen.
Because we now have clear understanding between us, and we don't want or need to talk about this stuff anymore, I thought it better to put it into an email so that you have it as a record that I have listened, but we don't have to ever refer to it or discuss it unless you bring it up.
Anyway, so that you know that you don't have to fear any repetition of what are now very much past events when you or I call, text or when we spend time together:
No more serious, heavy, intense stuff or any talk about "our relationship", "Where we're going", "What we are to each other" or anything remotely similar unless you want to talk in those terms at some point in the future.
I realise now that you're right in what you said and I hadn't noticed when I drop it into conversation or make hints - I don't like it either because it upsets you - And besides, now that I know what you want, I don't need to keep trying to find out - It stops with this email.
No more continuous texts and calls or emails from me.
The intense conversations, comments and text/calling business was caused by a period of confusion in between the point when things moved along faster than perhaps we were both ready for at the moment, and the point when you told me what you want - And now you've told me what you want at the moment - There's no more confusion and so as a result you won't feel any more pressure from this end.
I also agree that It's absolutely not necessary or possible that we see each other every night of the week or even most nights of the week. Actually neither of us has that sort of time right now - It'll be nice if one day it is like that, but right now this is a new relationship, it's not healthy for things to be as intense as they were and for one thing that element of missing each other and the excitement of looking forward to seeing each other again will disappear completely if one or both of us feels hemmed in.
I totally understand that right now, you need to take all the time you need for Cameron, for yourself or family and for whatever else you need - I absolutely do not get offended or upset when we can't do things together, so please don't feel that I am - It's absolutely not the case.
I know that this doesn't mean that I/we have to be bottom of some list and I'm sure also you'll include me in some of those family and Cameron things when you want to, or think them appropriate.
I'll wait to be invited rather than ask. But just know I'd always like to if time allows me to and if you do want to ask me.
When I'm at your house, I need to be the one to say "time for me to go" a bit more often than never!! I really don't like you having the feeling that you're chucking me out. I almost managed it Saturday night, but you genuinely beat me to it again!!
My barn is now a (very clean smelling!! Bluddy cat litter has a point where it just GOES…There's no in between) sanctuary for us to retreat to for the weekends that we choose to and are able to be here together. I would really like when you come here that we can relax, (or go out shopping/eat out/whatever) have fun and muck about and that you treat it as your home. You can sleep in as late as you like when we haven't both planned things and catch up on what sleep you've perhaps missed during the week (when I let you;-)
If I ask or suggest something and it's not something you want to do or if you don't agree with something I'm suggesting….Please just say "No"! I'm not a bully and you have no cause to fear a "reaction" or a "drama" from me. You won't get one.
When time allows, I would like us both to just have fun together, go out and shop or do things if we can, have a laugh, relax with you in the garden or on the sofa at yours or mine on the occasional evening and watch crap on the TV on the odd evening you fancy it, natter on the phone about nothingness, other people's complicated love-lives and about each other's days and all the naff/funny and annoying things that happen in our jobs, enjoy each other and just have fun, like we did all the time when we first met and have continued to do since, less frequently than we should have done recently, and with all of that confusion and complication now cleared up, we will from hereon!!
There's nothing wrong with you or me or us - I can totally understand why anything else is just too much pressure for you right now and the last thing either of us wants is for that to get in the way of our being happy as individuals or when we spend time together.
All I want is what I have already - The incredible you in my life having fun with you and making you beam your cheeky-grin with those twinkly eyes of yours so I know you're happy, which makes me happy, so I'm more than happy that we take it one day at a time from hereon and just let us be whatever we become without further heavy discussion.
We've had some really good times together so far just mucking about together and I'm looking forward to creating some more happy and enjoyable memories over time. Another was created for me on Saturday with my little helper sorting your raised garden beds with me - We had a mad 5 minutes at one point when he said "too much in the barrow" and tipped it out. So I'd put less in the barrow and he said "too little in the barrow" and tipped it out again!!
Every day I'm with you another memory's created and there's already so many to choose from: Our mad midnight pizza-hunt through West London, getting chased by Granny's insane cockerel, our cinema outing with the human pizza-eating-machine (watching him on the edge of his seat whilst spitting out sweets he didn't like and handing them back to Mummy with his eyes still glued to the screen!!), sitting on the living room floor together making Cameron's Easter Hat, our simple quiet nights-in just cuddling up on the sofa talking about nothing really or not talking at all, all the hours and hours we've spent just laughing and chit-chatting about something and nothing on the phone, the lovely meals we've enjoyed together both in and out (redcurrant gravy!!!), and of course, all those nights we've spent steaming up the bedroom (and living room!!) windows (Of course I left that until last - I still reckon you think that's all I want you for, forgetting that we had to hold out for quite a while for medicinal reasons when we first met!!;-).
Being with you makes me the happiest I have ever been and finally sorting everything out on Saturday means you will be made to feel as happy again too.
Despite all our past ups and downs you've continued to say you want me and you've always had me hook, line and sinker anyway. I told you I would sort through things as they came up and that I was not going to "abandon" you or "disappear" as you worried I probably would. I never have.
I do take notice of what you say and want, and I do try. I don't always get it right straightaway, although I always then try to listen a little harder the next time. This email should, and my actions now will back those last words up if you didn't believe it before.
Oh and one other thing - No more being Mr. Stinky (It was the pub/your garden's fault…OK, ok, maybe mine for forgetting to shower in my rush on Saturday morning!!)
Your (Non) Stinky-Simon