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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7621
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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My husband is a pastor. Almost a year ago, he spoke to me really

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My husband is a pastor. Almost a year ago, he spoke to me really abusively (He has choked, kicked and punched me in the past - almost 20 years ago was the last time. ) But this time he became so enraged about me serving at the church that he continued to harass me for almost a week with cruel comments. I was very upset. My blood pressure became elevated and I had a stroke. When a church leader made cruel comments about me having the stoke, I asked him to defend me and he said no, he didn't want to defend me. When I left the hospital, I refused to return to the church where I both worked and attended. He is very happy and has told the congregation that my mind is not functioning correctly. He is really enjoying himself without me there. Several have people left the church and he openly accused them of having their religion wrapped up in a person. I am still at home as I have no place to go or the money to do so. I'm looking for some direction. He conducts himself fair now because I am not in his way and remain quiet. I'm looking for a solution to get out of this situation
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 5 years ago.
-- You need to find an organization in your area that provides safe haven and options for women of abuse. ALL cities, counties, townships have at least one. The trick is finding them.

Call any OTHER church in your area to ask for phone numbers to such organizations. Call your local hospital, police department and even fire station until you get the options you need.

You need not give your name or anything else. Just tell them you need a phone number to some place that helps victims of abuse who are in immediate danger or possible danger.

I am a minister. I can promise you, with my whole heart and soul that cruel and abusive behavior, including ugly and hurtful words, are NOT in keeping with any teachings of God, Christ or the Spirit. Any pastor who defies and defiles these holy teachings is going to face their judgment and suffer the consequences of such vile and dark acts in good time.

In the interim you must respect the gift of life that God gave you and pursue peace, joy and comfort as your Father wants you to have and will give Him even more reason to visit gifts of grace to you.

You need to fight for yourself (God helps those who help themselves) and turn your back on this man who brings you such pain and sorrow.

You are a valuable child of God and deserve to be treated with kindness, respect and love.

I understand the financial part, but let me tell you that there are far too many who do not live to see "some day" or "tomorrow" and thereby do not live to experience even one hour of peace and happiness. Whether their lives end because their lifetime is up or their lives end at the hands of their abuser, what matters is that their hesitation caused them great loss.

Once you have a safe and supportive place to be and people there to help you find your voice and walk you on the path to your better future, your husband might experience his own 'wake up call' and enlist professional help to get him back on his path as well. He has strayed far and lives as a hypocrite and liar. One cannot hold up the word as truth without living it themselves.

We each answer for ourselves though; no one else. You can't worry about him - you can only live your own life. If, eventually it comes to include him again, that's up to the future. Right here, right now you must do what's right for you.

No more delays.

I truly wish you well and I pray you strength

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