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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I was married for 12 years and due to legal disasters, separated

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I was married for 12 years and due to legal disasters, separated for 5. Just got divorced in October. The judge set no visitation and my ex wants no boundaries. He can't afford his own place and pay child support too. So he either stays with friends or the kids invite him over to visit and he stays.....I used to create scenes in front of the kids, but that only upsets everyone. My ex is a former drug addict in poor physical condition and the kids do not want him wandering around. It scares them, but they also know that it is not "normal" to live at our house. I am stuck and they are stuck.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.

Hello.

If the judge set no visitation and he wants no boundaries, then it is up to you, him and the kids to set these up so that everyone is happy. You are going to have to talk and negotiate what works the best for all involved. There are going to be compromises and not everyone is going to be happy ALL the time, so you all need to realize that to move forward. As far as his money situation, I cannot give you specific legal advice, but you may want to consider looking into getting court issued child support. His living situation is not really your responsibility, but your kids are. You want to make sure they are always the priority and they are taken care of before anyone.

I wasn't clear when you said the kids were inviting him over, but at the same time were afraid when he was around. I'm not sure what their attitude is towards the time they want to spend with him. You need to talk to them about this and get their input. It's very important to have the kids be involved in this process. They will appreciate it for the rest of their lives.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
sounds nice, but in reality does not work. He becomes offended when I or the kids tell ask him to leave and then he remains mad at them for along time until he decides to forgive them. Sad I know. Then the kids feel bad. Nothing works so far. Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX need more specifics.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
There is nothing more you can do other than talking it out and coming to a conclusion together. Unless you decide that you want him completely out of all of your lives..or things will just keep going the way there. There are no quick, magic answers to immediately solve your issues. It will take work on both sides. The solution is going to have to be one of those options. I'm sorry I can't help you further, I'm not certain what answer you are expecting which can fix these problems. If you said you are trying a therapist, I'm hoping that this would include him as well, so you can all come to a compromise.
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