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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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What does one work on to improve himself, when he is precieved

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What does one work on to improve himself, when he is precieved to be a control freak?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 5 years ago.
What examples do you have of controlling behavior?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
She believes that I am over seeing everything she does, in work, pleasure etc. she believes she has no personality because she feels that I am overbearing and verbally abusive. I have taken over a lot of things in order for her to do things she wants to do. Which is not the true intent. She thinks I am The one in control and she has no value.
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 5 years ago.
Ok, so she has given you some clear examples of the problem as she sees it. Are you willing to back off? No matter if you see it as the problem or not, she sees it that way. And if you want to keep your marriage, you might have to start listening to her and make some changes. Can you do it?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Yes I want too, but I don't know if she is willing to wait on me to change. She says she doesn't love me any more, but I don't want to give up yet. I know that if I don't fix the problem it will carry over to any other relationship I have. I know I can only control me, not her. So yes I am willing to work on this to make me a better person.
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 5 years ago.
Ok, now you are thinking clearly. You can't control the situation but you can work on yourself and hope for the best. So, get to work on yourself, BE PATIENT with her and don't force her to take you back, and see where this takes you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am understand to be patient, but how do you work on patience?
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 5 years ago.
Patience is basically saying that no matter what comes your way; I CAN HANDLE IT. You need to tell yourself that. Controlling behavior is saying that I can't handle unexpected things and so I need to take precautions to have a hand in everything. Sorry, but people don't like that. Patience is also saying that this situation is out of my control. Not having patience is believing you have control over the situation and trying to do something about it. Such as, telling your wife you have changed, pleading with her to take you back, etc....
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