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AskJason, Relationship Answers
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 39
Experience:  B.A. Psychology
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my girlfriend of 8 months who i love very much has always shut

Customer Question

my girlfriend of 8 months who i love very much has always shut me out by putting up a wall and stops talking to me..we lived with her parents which made it very difficult.everytime there was an issue she would become very defensive and shut me out leaveing me feeling alienated and alone..and very confused..nothing was ever resolved properly,i had no friends or family and no support..i also struggled with her mum who also seemed to have the same was very hard..i had been supporting the both of us for months paying her bills doing work on her house,we have broken up a month ago just completely shut out ..again by nicki and her family..the break up happened the night of a concert i had been working hard on for a week..i hardly drink but that night i felt like i needed a release,i drank too much we had an argument ,i pushed nicki and said some horrible things and then her parents got involved ..and i felt alienated again..the next day it was over..she wont talk to me ive aplologised,ive been sworn at by her shut out completely by her family and it hurts..ive been ok but i have my moments,i feel like ive been judged buying a business in nickis hometown and when she found out she abused me then called me names..but a week later she apologised..i had been texting her for first few weeks but i havent for the last 2 weeks and i feel ive progressed and slowly moveing forward..but im still confused,i know i had many obstacles from the start of our still in love with nicki.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  AskJason replied 5 years ago.
Hi, I'm Jason. I'm glad to answer your question. (My answers are intended as information and my opinion only and this is not therapy or counseling.

I'm sorry you are going through what is obviously a difficult time. So it sounds as if you have been back in touch with Nicki recently via text, although for the past two weeks you've backed off from that. How was it going when you were texting back and forth. Did she say she forgives you for drinking too much and losing your temper? Is this the first time you have ever put your hands on her or has that happened in the past?
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i had never hit a girl ever before in my life and had never pushed nicki before..she hasnt forgiven me for that night and has blamed me for the break up..ive tried so many times to try to explain to her how her walls made me feel..her insecurities were the worst i had ever seen and she had also threatend to hurt me because the girl serveing us at a restaraunt was pretty..silly things like that matter what i did or said to try and make her feel beautiful it was tough to get her to see it.the texting back and forth was terrible,she was nasty then distant then apologetic then nasty again round and round until ive finally had enough and have stopped texting..and i havent heard from her.
Expert:  AskJason replied 5 years ago.
Ok, I believe you regarding never having hit a woman in the past and the mistake you made of pushing Nicki when you were drinking will hopefully be forgiven by her. So you say she is very insecure and makes jealous comments. Even if she did forgive you and you guys began dating again, do you foresee issues in your relationship regarding these type circumstances? In other words, you seem to be ready to fight hard to win back a woman who it sounds like you were fighting with a lot. Is that at all accurate or am I off base?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
no that is accurate,i feel like ive been judged unfairly nicki and her parents..i want to be able to sit down and talk,because im still in love..but im also confused because it also felt one sided..
Expert:  AskJason replied 5 years ago.
These type situations are tough because your heart is telling you to pursue Nicki, but your mind has some doubts that the relationship is healthy. I think the best thing you can do is listen to your heart while paying heed to the cautionary thoughts you are having. Continue to try to reach out to and communicate with Nicki. Try to spend some together time and see where it leads you. It will take work to have her forgive you for losing your temper, and you will always be under high scrutiny in the future anytime you get angry. She was likely scared by your temper so you'll have to try very hard to keep the anger in check during arguments. Once she forgives you for that night, pay close attention to how you guys are interacting. Is she constantly throwing jealous comment at you and undermining your relationship? If so, perhaps she just isn't the girl for you. That will be for you to decide. For now, do your best to try to have her agree to meet with you since you are clearly still into her and you should try to see this through. (Also, thank you for previously clicking accept and paying me. Please do not click accept again since if you do it will generate an extra charge for you. Thanks again and I hope this has helped!)