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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3526
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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Hi, CoachJenK...just checking in...

Resolved Question:

Hi, CoachJenK...just checking in...
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

LOL.

CoachJenK :

I am here. you?

CoachJenK :

Do I have to partake in the nachos bell grande on my own or will you join me here?

Customer:

I will join you

CoachJenK :

excellent. I started already is that okay?

Customer:

Although for all of my talk about eating, I weigh 105

CoachJenK :

lol

Customer:

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful :)

CoachJenK :

so talk to me slim!

Customer:

Anyway, I was really writing because I am feeling better.

CoachJenK :

nice. I want to hear

Customer:

I came home from work after talking to you and my husband seemed so sad

CoachJenK :

ok

Customer:

We had a long talk.

Customer:

And I think you are right - a lot of my feelings of a better life are just because I get caught up in the Groundhog day-to-day living.

CoachJenK :

yes and that is so normal and can happen to all of us

Customer:

A different life basically just means different bullshit.

CoachJenK :

long term relationships can fell ho hum sometimes and we need to do things to make it fun and lively

CoachJenK :

exactly

Customer:

Yes, so I am planning some fun things. Date nights and such.

Customer:

Keeping it spicy. You can call me Tabasco.

CoachJenK :

that is what I want to hear. was he happy to talk with you?

CoachJenK :

I like slim

Customer:

Slim Shady?

Customer:

Yes, we had a good talk.

CoachJenK :

lol. cut it out!

Customer:

He is a loner by nature, but I think he really does love me.

CoachJenK :

Did you fee more connected?

CoachJenK :

he does love you

Customer:

I do. Sometimes I need to hear it from him. To know that he'd be lonely without me.

CoachJenK :

and did you ask him for what you need? we need to that in relationships...people arent mind readers.

Customer:

Yes. And he even did something I had asked for a long time ago.

Customer:

I totally forgot.

CoachJenK :

which was?

Customer:

I have always hated our backyard.

Customer:

Well, part of it. We have a huge deck, which is great. Then we have a side yard that is shady and weedy.

Customer:

He finally got the whole thing landscaped.

CoachJenK :

nice and so he does respond to you. use that as an example of putting your needs and desires out there.

CoachJenK :

'Honey I need to hear you tell me how you love me'

CoachJenK :

build a forte in the bedroom like when you were kids and make smores and eat them in the forte

Customer:

OMG, I am so sorry my computer is such a piece of shit.

CoachJenK :

what r u sorry about?

Customer:

I am getting a new one this weekend.

Customer:

It keeps freezing up.

CoachJenK :

ok i am here no worries

Customer:

S'mores idea is cute.

Customer:

I think if you and I hung out, we'd be huge.

CoachJenK :

that is the type of creativity that is needed after many years...silly things that connect us back to feeling younger and free

CoachJenK :

I just laughed so loud did you hear me all the way there in central time zone?

Customer:

Professional distance may be good in that case...

Customer:

I can't believe you are an East Coaster...

CoachJenK :

forgive me please!

CoachJenK :

now back to smores

Customer:

Your personality seems way more Midwestern.

Customer:

Yes, back to s'mores. Any other ideas?

CoachJenK :

you are very correct on that one

CoachJenK :

bike rides..picnics

CoachJenK :

all things that remind us of feeling free and younger

Customer:

Picnic cute, too.

CoachJenK :

but you are miss creative so why am I the only one coming up with ideas?

Customer:

G-d, can you and I stop eating???

Customer:

That's why I pay you the big bucks :).

CoachJenK :

no I am starving by the way!

CoachJenK :

Yes okay back to the big bucks...let me come up with some more BIG ideas then.

Customer:

You should be...it's late over there!

Customer:

I am planning a trip. That's a biggie.

CoachJenK :

the next rain storm...put on a slicker or whatever they are called and walk together through the rain holding hands.....I love that one!

Customer:

It rains every weekend here...should be easy enough!

CoachJenK :

that is truly a lovely one..big buks style

Customer:

Slicker? C'mon!

CoachJenK :

i know..how absolutely ridiculous!

Customer:

You are funny.

CoachJenK :

im so old fashioned.

Customer:

It is sweet. Refreshing. Otherwise, you'd tell me to get on my iPhone and text him on his.

CoachJenK :

ewww not even a little...how unromantic...unless of course you text him and say honey, grab your slicker its pouring outside and weze going for a walk together.

Customer:

And although I have a ton of friends, it is so easy to talk to you!

Customer:

Is it weird to chat without knowing me?

CoachJenK :

that is how it should be.

CoachJenK :

no because I have developed a sens of you over time and that has allowed me to converse with you in the way that we do and i know it is helpful for you.

Customer:

Ok, u gotta say raincoat.

CoachJenK :

love slicker

Customer:

Now I know you are not from the east coast!

CoachJenK :

I am form wherever you need me to be from.

CoachJenK :

ugh my typing

CoachJenK :

*from

Customer:

You are funny.

Customer:

I can't have you be from anywhere.

CoachJenK :

ok Venus?

Customer:

No...

CoachJenK :

ok just an east coaster then with mid western values as that is true!

CoachJenK :

ok enough of me here...more about smores and walking in slickers in the rain

Customer:

Ok...we got s'mores. We got slickers.

CoachJenK :

ok what else...its not just enough to think them up you have to have the desire to do them and actually do it

Customer:

We have picnics. I can dust off my UNO cards.

CoachJenK :

and rummy cube?

CoachJenK :

is that what it is even called?

Customer:

Yes, but you spelled it incorrectly. Sorry, it's the writer in me.

CoachJenK :

how is it spelled?

CoachJenK :

right write

Customer:

Rummikub

CoachJenK :

ahh yes now i remember

CoachJenK :

so tell me what you have planned?

Customer:

Good game, though!

Customer:

Ok, we have a Derby party this weekend, so that should be fun.

CoachJenK :

put on your slicker, make a cup of hot chocolate and play Rummikub on the big deck

Customer:

Date night is next week...maybe I can plan the s'mores for when we come home?

CoachJenK :

yes that will me fun

CoachJenK :

yes and what will you do for date night?

CoachJenK :

but dont tell him...set up the forte beforehand

Customer:

Chuck E. Cheese?

Customer:

hehehe

CoachJenK :

sounds very romatic

CoachJenK :

omg i cant type today

CoachJenK :

this old typewrite keeps getting stuck and my arm gets tied pushing that thing all the way back to the left side. :-)

Customer:

Nothing says 'I love you' like a game of skee-ball

CoachJenK :

actually an arcade could be cute

CoachJenK :

how bout skeet shooting?

Customer:

I We could go bowling

CoachJenK :

the point is the two of you just need to get out together and reconnect plain and simple whether its in slickers, bowling, skee ball

Customer:

Ok...I hear ya.

CoachJenK :

same wave length. now you are getting it

Customer:

A little slow :).

CoachJenK :

no right on schedule...we needed to work on the feelings first before you put stuff into action.

Customer:

I will report back to you. Have a good weekend - enjoy your slickers, too!

CoachJenK :

you too. ENJOY. always a pleasure. :-)

Customer:

Didn't even have to ask!

CoachJenK :

I am very with it!

Customer:

Talk soon. Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX

CoachJenK :

lol. bye

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you