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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hey there! Ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for

Resolved Question:

Hey there! I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now, I'm 19 and she's 18. I've been coming to university for just under a year now, and since moving the relationship has had it's ups and downs. We've broken up a couple of times but then got back together again just because we've missed each other so much. I do really love her. I trust her completely, but she refuses to do the same back. Every time I go out with my friends she has a massive go at me and says terrible things to me even though I've done nothing wrong ever! It's got to the point now where I have to ask her permission to go out and more often than not she'll say no. She tells me that every time I go out I'm hurting her and she worries about the other girls at university. I've told her time and time again that there's nothing to worry about and that I love her and that no other girl could ever compare to her but it never sinks in and we keep getting the same problems. Since coming to university I've made the effort to see her every weekend and whenever I do see her everything it's great, but when I'm back at university it always falls apart again. I can't go on like this, all my friends at university are going out and mingling and I feel like I'm being left behind and missing out on the university experience because of this. What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You are missing out because you have a partner who is insecure. Jealousy comes from insecurity. Especially jealousy that isn't based on cheating. You have to decide if you think over time she will be more secure in the relationship. She is obviously struggling with severe insecurity. This may be based on old hurts. She can be taking pain and projecting that onto you. Her fear of being cheated on is greater than her ability to trust you. This is causing her to act out in an effort to prevent you from doing what has happened in the past. This causes her to act irrationally. You have to make a decision on whether you want to tackle the problem of helping her get over her insecurities. There is also the chance that she may not do so. Tell her that you will help her get this problem under control but she has to promise to work on this. It isn't fair to project these fears onto you. Then when you think there has been sufficient time decide if the relationship is better. It's your decision.

 

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