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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3520
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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ive been married for 38 years. i think i love my wife. but

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i've been married for 38 years. i think i love my wife. but now that the kids are grown. we are near retirement age. we feel there is something missing in our relationship: we never feel we are soul mates!? what can we do?
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I am glad you have reached out here. It is not uncommon after a long-term marriage such as yours to feel that something is missing and the spark is gone. For many years the focus was on more than just the two of, work, school, sports, events, etc., and that can sometimes get in the way of the deeper connection between you and your wife as it takes work to maintain that connection with the business of life, work and kids.

Now that you have been on your own the focus goes back to just the two of you and you can feel like you are both floundering and need to learn to reconnect again. Sometimes even knowing whether the love reamins can be tough to see.

What I do like is that you are willing to explore it. Having different opinions doesn't necessarily mean that the love isn't there anymore, but rather just may be indicative that the connection is buried and the work may be to dig deep to get it back.

Assuming you are both desirous of doing some work around this and want to reconnect and re-ignite the connection that once was there, I think it would be a good idea to work with a couples counselor to get to the issues of connection and see where you both are in terms of desires. Often when we try to work on these issues alone, we bump into the same things and difficulties communicating exists. When we are in the room with a professional they help guide things so both of you can speak freeyl and really hear the other one and the wants, needs and desires can be explored.

If you have this desire, please let me know if you would like any help in locating a professional in your area. If you have any thoughts or would like more support, please respond back to me here.
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