Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hi, I'd be glad to answer your question. (My answers are intended as information and my opinion only and this is not therapy or counseling:)
Hi again. I responded to you in the Q&A and explained that I had switched us from Chat to Q&A. It sounds like your request is urgent. How can I help you?
HI, sorry I got you out of bed, im just in a funk and cant sleep because of this :)
How can I help?
give me 2 seconds and i will paste the question so it wont take as long ok
i have a relationship, or lack of relationship question really. About two weeks ago i went to have a few drinks with some old friends, one of my old friends brought a friend with him (a man) and we hit it off right away. the first night we all hung out but this man and i stuck close to each other and had a great time. we exchanged numbers and at the end of the night he walked me out to my car (he wanted to kiss me) but he settled for a hug. the next day he contacted me several times and we managed to get everyone back together for night two. that night he never left my side. we ended up holding hands and kissing, and it was really easy and comfortable. Now i have to tell you , he is from out of state (in the Army) and is being deployed overseas this week. He has been divorced twice, which unfortunatly is not uncommon in military relationships, but he has only been divorced from his second wife for 6 months. both of his previous wives cheated on him during deployments. I to am divorced from a militarty man, so i know how it goes..well not the cheating on your husband thing, but my husband did cheat on me...often.. anyway at the end of the second night we were together, we got seperated from our group and couldnt find them (or his car, which we presummed the others had) so i brought him home with me...well as you may imagine i didnt make him sleep on the couch. wich was really embarrising to me, because that is not something i do. anyway, they had to leave to report back to duty the next day. after a few texts those first days he was gone, I emailed him just to set the recod straight that i was not that type of women. and he responded really nice, and we kinda just started sending a few emaios back and forth. the problem here is that i am always the one to contact him first, if i do, we talk and everything seems nice, but if i dont send that first email, or text i dont hear from him. I asked him about it and he said it because everything is so crazy for him right now getting ready to leave, and sense i have been through i have no reason to think that is not the truth. I would really like you to see the emails, whithout his name in them of coarse, because what he says to me, and his actions dont make sense to me..mostly i am really confused and need someone to explain what they think is happening in this situation can you do that??
OK, but I believe another expert is already working on the question you just posted. Do you want to pay both of us? If not, please advise which expert you want to work with and tell the other that their services are not required.
I was but they are unavailable, ill pay both, it really makes no difference to me, getting advise from more than one person cant hurt right
Ok, please give me a moment to read what you pasted in above.
When is he due to leave the country?
And for how long?
and for 9 months
I don't feel as if I need to read his emails to give you a proper answer. It must be incredibly stressful to be about to leave the country on a military mission. I do not know if he is about to face "hard duty" where his life will be at serious risk daily, but I'd imagine any type military deployment overseas carries risk. Based on this, I'm not sure what you would have him do in the next five days? It almost seems like a torturous scenario since no matter how much you like each other after you first two dates and your one time of shared intimacy, you are headed for a period of nine months of non-contact. He is probably trying to protect his heart (and maybe yours too) by not allowing your relationship to progress any further right before he leaves.
Well thats what i thought too, but when we do talk he tells me he wants us to email and write each other while he is gone so we can stay in touch...
My last line may be an understatement, however, given the intimacy you shared on the night of that second date. However, that can't be taken back but it also doesn't mean there is love. My opinion is that you should wish him well, and tell him that you are very interested in picking up where you guys left off once he is back in the USA. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if you really think about it, what else can you do?
Ok sure, emailing him and writing to each other is fine. This will help to build your relationship while he is away and perhaps when he comes back you can really make a go of it. So is your question "why doesn't he initiate communication?" If so, my answer would be that he doesn't simply because he is five days away from leaving the country for 9 months.
thats part of the question, but the other part is if he doesnt want to continue a friendship or whatever, then why does he throw out all the mixed signals. he tells me he wants us to be in touch, when we are he always tells me we had a great connection, and he looks forward to hearing from me again...but then.there is nothing unless i contact him first..
in my right mind i would say he just isnt interested, but when he tells me he will have more time to chat with me when he gets there, and he is looking forward to hearing from me again, it puzzles me.
But who said he doesn't want to continue a friendship? You said that he said he wants to email and write while he is overseas. I think you should trust in that and believe it. Again, the only reason there is nothing unless you initiate is because he has probably been SUPER busy, like he told you he is, getting ready to leave the country. My gut tells me you should take his words at face value, give him the benefit of the doubt, let him leave the country peacefully and get situated wherever it is he is headed, and then see if he follow through on his promise to write and email. If he does follow through, then great. If he doesn't, then your answer will be very clear. I hope this helps and thank you for the payments you made earlier!
I am going to sign off now for the night, and transition this Chat to the Q&A. The Q&A will still allow you to contact me and all of the info above will be copied to it.
ok thanks :)