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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3530
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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My girlfriend will not give me any space. If I get up to go

Resolved Question:

My girlfriend will not give me any space. If I get up to go to the restroom when I'm at home she ask what am I doing. She will not let me go anywhere by myself. Why does she do this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

This usually occurs because of some deep insecurities either stemming from her past relationships within her family, past hurts from other boyfriends, or current insecurites within your relationship. Do any of those things hit home?

Customer:

Yes. She will not stop. I almost cannot take it. She has met my whole family. I have not met her parents or brothers or sisters. She never even talks to them on the phone. she has been living at my house since last july. She said she was adopted but I dont even know her families last name. what does this mean?

CoachJenK :

I believe it is tremendous fear of abandonment and because she feels closest to you know it s being played out with you and it could stem from being adopted.

CoachJenK :

When you try and talk with her about it how does she respond?

Customer:

She gets mad. And will not open up. But she demands to know everything about me?

CoachJenK :

The more she knows the more secure she feels..at least for the moment. She mght benefit from some ndividual counseling.

CoachJenK :

but very hard on you.

CoachJenK :

How long are you together?

Customer:

one year

CoachJenK :

and you moved n quickly then, yes?

Customer:

She moved into my house in July

CoachJenK :

and what are your thoughts about asking her to go to some counseling?

CoachJenK :

as it might save this relationship

Customer:

I asked her and she got mad.

CoachJenK :

ok so then lets focus on you then...what do you want to do about it all?

Customer:

I sometimes want to break up because she nags at me everyday

CoachJenK :

is there a way to let her know how you care, but the pressure is getting to you and if she doesnt seek some help it will be hard for you to stay in the relatiosnhip?

Customer:

thats true. what can I tell her to make her believe that it is way overboard with us?

CoachJenK :

I am not sure you can make her see it at this point but i do believe you can tell her how it makes you feel and you understand she might not see it in the same way but for you it is overboard and you are suffering...you cant even go to the mens room without her asking

Customer:

I dont do things because it will make us fight, but should I just go and do it?

CoachJenK :

I hear how you walk on egg shells but there are two people here that need to be paid attention to..not just one.

CoachJenK :

and relationships need to be able to tolerate time away from each other...that is what makes the connection healthy

CoachJenK :

this is why counseling would be so good.

CoachJenK :

there is a way for you to live you life and that is when you want to do these things that you let her know n caring ways that tonight you are hangng with the guys or whatever it might be

CoachJenK :

You are suffering my friend and you deserve to live freely while in connection

CoachJenK :

she needs to see that this is causing a wedge and will not lead to a good outcome.

CoachJenK :

the longer you walk on egg shells and keep things inside the more likely it will come to a boiling point for you.

Customer:

I'm going to talk to her about getting counseling. I was on the computer and she was asking what I was doing. I told her to give me space. We both are models. When we travel away from each other she is always calling me every five seconds. she wants to know what I am doing. i cant even work

CoachJenK :

has there ever been a reason n your relationship that she wouldnt trust you now?

Customer:

No. never cheated and never gave any reason to think I was cheating. She always says that her friends think I'm hot and she gets mad. My friends think she is hot but I dont get mad.

CoachJenK :

lol. funny. I am sure you are both quite blessed the looks department.

Customer:

Sometimes it stresses me out. I wish my life was regular.

CoachJenK :

well I think we know where we need to go here...you suggesting counseling for the health of the relationship and you having some boundaries and going to do other things sometimes...that is healthy...this will burn out quickly if not

CoachJenK :

it is very stressful

CoachJenK :

and burdensome

CoachJenK :

the suggestion of counseling is for the health and longevity of the relationship

Customer:

I will first try to calmly talk to her, and just go spend time by myself. If she don

CoachJenK :

yes calm is good

CoachJenK :

with love and reassurance too

Customer:

dont get help then i probably need to end it

CoachJenK :

and you can come back to me if you need more support

Customer:

I will. It might be soon...lol. you have a good night!

CoachJenK :

and it will be my pleasure whenever it is. good luck ad let me know.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

so if i have been helpful please click accept and go do something for yourself

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you