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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hello, I like this girl, shes my best friend and I dream

Customer Question


I like this girl, she's my best friend and I dream of some day taking our relationship to that next level. The only problem is, she has a boyfriend. Now I'm not asking how to steal her heart, I'm enough of a man to say he got there first and no matter how much she means to me, her happiness comes first.

I'm just wondering if it's so wrong to still think of the possibility? she's told me that she "doesn't see it, even if we were single." But yet our friendship is as tight as can be, I feel like I already am her boyfriend in a way. We met eachother online, but when I've met her in person we did act cuddly to an extent, we weren't like spooning or anything, but the occasional hugs and resting our heads on eachother just seems so natural...

I also like to think that her "not seeing it," is because she has a boyfriend so she's never gave me a true chance in her mind. Or that maybe she's just saying "I don't see it," so that it's not a direct "no."

Is it wrong for me to still dream of the day of it happening? Do you think there's still a possibility? I know she's the kind of girl I would love to spend a lot of time with because when her and I became the best of friends, I told all my friends, it was a huge deal to me. She always gets me in these bubbly moods, and I'm glad to know her the way I do.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You are probably a great guy but you don't want to waste your time to think that things will change after she has given you her answer. She may be trying to spare your feelings. Although you can fantasize about her it serves no purpose if she has told you that she doesn't have the same feelings. Women often try to tell someone in a nice way that they aren't interested. The fact that she has done that including the fact that it wouldn't happen if you were both single tells you that she is clearly not wanting the relationship that you want. If you choose to fantasize or harbor these feelings you have to ask yourself for what reason.


I think it is more important that you consider how you will be friends without the hope that you will be a couple. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment. That should be your concern. By continuing to pursue these feelings you will ruin the friendship. You are preventing yourself from finding someone who does have these feelings.


I would accept that you are in the friend zone and that you have to find love in someone who is open to that experience. You deserve to be happy



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well, oddly enough back when I have asked this question before, she said "I could, (potentially)" it wasn't till we became best friends that she started saying that she "doesn't see it," although her mind did change in the middle from "I don't share these feelings," to "I don't see it happening." I'm not trying to harbor my feelings per say, I just think of the possibilities because the times we share as friends are the best times of my life and I feel that she enjoys our time too. I understand that she could be sugar coating it to put me down nicer. It's odd, seeing her with her boyfriend honestly does NOT cause any jealousy in me. I'm just glad to know she's happy. It's weird to say the least, but I honestly can't shake why I can't get over her. I already have another girl in my life, the two are both great for similar reasons, but my heart just doesn't go off like it does for my best friend. It's stupid, but I want to think that given the day we're both single, it'll just be about making the date magical, even in how i'll ask her. It's stupid, but I've had these feelings for months and she puts up with it, and still is willing to spend everyday with me if she could! Our relationship as is, is as special as can be, but I can shake the possibility of taking it further someday...
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You can consider that she may change her mind but you more likely be faced with a lot of disappointment. It is better that you seek out someone who really wants a relationship;. The decision is yours. You should do what you feel is best