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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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i am 29 and i have a problem of understanding the difference

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i am 29 and i have a problem of understanding the difference between love an anfactuation ? I really like this girl l have known for about 3 years in short shes the female version of me , I see her as my future wife, problam is she makes happy and sad,angry,confused all at the same time ? An another girl i know that likes me who wants to settle down and start a family with me, when i am around her i feel normal ? Im really confused in a weird way the first girl i admirer alot and i think about her often ??
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 5 years ago.
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today.

It could be that the first girl represents something unattainable or exciting to you - we always want more that which we can't easily have at first. So the fact that she triggers all of these feelings in you can seem exciting or make her appear more interesting because she makes you question yourself and you feel less sure of yourself than you do with the second girl. It could be the thrill of the chase, which is often the case with an infatuation. That's not to say you don't really like her, or that she doesn't really like you, of course.

The second girl might not make you feel the same sense of excitement because she seems more safe or more attainable - so you might feel like you don't have to work as hard to be with her. You say she's already ready to settle down and have a family, so that could make her seem less attractive to you if you don't have that same sense of thrill and the idea of having to chase her. You might feel "normal" around her because you feel more comfortable with her. But just because she wants to be with you doesn't mean she's the right match for you, either. It can help to take a step back to evaluate what your real feelings are before you decide who to settle down with, talk to them both to see who you think is ultimately going to make you happiest.

Please let me know if you have any additional questions.
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