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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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my situation is this.. I am 46 and divorced and have residential

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my situation is this.. I am 46 and divorced and have residential custody of my 13 year old son. he does go to his fathers every weekend. My boyfriend with whom my son loves to death and my boyfriend loves my son as well, we decided to live together this pat Sept, the three of us. And it works out so wonderful..all is well smooth and no problems, however when we decided to live together Daniel (boyfriend) said to me with regards XXXXX XXXXX of the household bills would be split 30% him and 70% me because there were 2 of us (son and I) and 1 of him.
I refused this offer feeling so not fair about it and we finally agreed on (I still had a hard time with this not being 50/ 50 yet I thought maybe I was not fair) on 60% me and 40% him ..this being rent, food, oil, electric Quote "the family bills"
Now 7 months later i'm feeling its really unfair now with me paying 60%.. and when I talk to him about it he wont budge at all saying he's not going to pay for the extras that involve my son, ( 2 bedroom apt vs 1 bedroom if it were just us) the extra food yet he eats more than me and my son put together since hes a big man and my son and I are small infact i have had stomach surgery so I eat little) and he never has had children and way benefits from now having a (son so to speak
of,) he tells everyone "he is my step son " and tells me he cant wait till my son has a name for him like step dad or pop...
I don't want to be unfair to my boyfriend but I believe 50 50 is the only fairness here.
what is fair ???
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I agree that he should WANT to contribute more because you are all a family, regardless of blood. If he does not want to do this, then there isn't much you can do about it unfortunately. Your therapist is correct in that you are going to have to figure out what is worth keeping in this relationship and if this is worth losing everything over. He did budge to the 60/40 split and all may not be lost here. As you continue with your relationship, he may feel more inclined to help out more, all you may need is a bit of patience. Try to wait it out and enjoy the positives you have going in your relationship. Hopefully, he will come around eventually and want to help out more when he realizes that you are all a family now.
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