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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months now and she has

Customer Question

Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months now and she has a kid with another man, but i havn't seen her for 4 weeks now and every time we plan to meet shes always busy havin to look after her kid all the time or goin to work as i work mon-fri and she works at the weekend. But she rings re every day so obviously she wants to talk to me n that but never makes the effort to come and see me. When we first met we got on really well more than anyone ive ever been with we had so much in common it was untrue and she told me within the first week of meeting her she said that she loved me and wanted to me bf which i was like its a bit fast but o.k well go out, but now its like she doesnt want to go out with me. I really like her and still want to her but thats the problem i never do.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Hello. You are going to have to realize that as a mother, her child is always going to come first. Always. That's the way it is and should be. You are going to need to make some changes in your expectations if you want to continue to see this girl. You want to go out with her but she has a kid to take care of. So why don't you do family type things WITH her kid? If you are looking towards a future with her, don't you realize that the kid comes with the the girl?? There is no changing that. EVER. That being said, for you to both go out on a date, she should be able to find a babysitter for a night or two to do on occasion, but don't think that her child isn't going to be involved in your relationship, they come as a package deal. If you are going to be with her, then you are going to have to act like a family in order to do things together.
If you think she isn't making much of an effort to come see you, why don't you tell her this> The next time she calls you, say why don't you come visit? If she says she is watching the kid, tell her to bring the child too and you will all do something together. You have to meet her half way on this in order for it to work. Be honest with her and upfront about your feelings. Tell her you want to go out on a date and ask if she can get a sitter. The only way to resolve this is to be honest, open and accommodating of her motherhood.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Ive tried doing that. Ive said to her we can out some time all together, i even offered going to a theme park. Ive met the kid but only once because of how often i see her. Because of work and her having to take and pick up her kid from school she cant stop at my house throughout the week as she needs to be with her kid at her mums house, so i only get to see her at weekends. iv tried asking to come round even on a weekday but she says she can't but like even on a weekend theres always an excuse i mean i can understand if she didn't want to be with me thats why she don't want to see me but why does she keep ringing me.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 5 years ago.
Ask her! You aren't going to know why nor are you going to be able to express how you feel to get her to understand that she may lose you if she doesn't make some arrangements with her life. Just lay it out there. Tell her it is concerning to you.

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