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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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OK, so this Friday my ex is coming over to play a board game.

Resolved Question:

OK, so this Friday my ex is coming over to 'play a board game'. We broke up at Christmas for the 3rd time. We met 4 weeks ago, and both agreed we hadn't wanted to break up - but, she told me she was over it and was seeing aomeone else (although not seriously.) she was obviously still into me but then after my 3rd cocktail I broke suddenly and told her I still loved her, which put her off a bit, then I topped that one off by drunk calling her after a disatrous date. She said just forget getting back together (although I never mentioned it!)
But then she's texting constantly and telling me that she's 'playing by ear' about her new boyfriend as he 'might have to go away for work'.

I think basically there is an opening for sorting this out that I badly want to do. Sex was a problem for us cos she is so small and I am so big so this is one of the reasons she is seeing a Chinese guy (she's Chinese). So I see this as the biggest barrier to an attraction forming again.
So questions are:
1) do you think it sounds like I have a chance?
2) I know how to act but she is very obsessed with kinky things what shall I say if she asks about who I am seeing or wants to talk about sex? I have been dating but not slept with anyone and not currently seeing anyone.
3) should we actuall play a board game? We like complicated board games with dragons and wizards and shit and I don't really want to focus on something like this as I just want to spend time with her.

I don't intend to fail in getting her back so please, assist me sir or madam!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Hello. There seems to be some underlying issues with your relationship with her. You have broken up 3 times, and there is some problems that cannot go forgotten. One that you mentioned is sex. Sex, although not the most important thing in a relationship, is a very important component. Sex provides a level of intimacy that is not shared with others and only shared with one another in the relationship. You say that there is some sexual incompatibility. This is something that you could work on if you decide to continue to put time and energy into this relationship.

With regard to the dating other people. Well, it seems as though you are trying to make one another jealous. You should both be honest with one another, and ask her if she is really seeing other men, or just saying it to make you jealous.

With regard to the kinky sexual acts, everyone has different likes and dislikes. If you choose to pursue her, you will have to explore the different sexual acts that she enjoys. When we love and care for people. we normally try to please them. This is a way for you to explore a different sexual side of you with someone that is accepting of all different types of sex. I believe that this is a bonus for you.

I think that you should set up a time to meet, and use the excuse that you will play the board game with her. Spend a bit of time playing the game, then move on to talking with her about what's been going on in your relationship.

Discuss with her the pros and cons of being a couple. Discuss the reasons for your past breakups, and especially talk about the most recent break up. You may even wanna agree to start over. Leave the past in the past, and talk about how you can proceed in a relationship for the future.

Good Luck!
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Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
Hello! I just wanted to check in and see how things are going.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi, well, we did not talk about our relationship, actually we were both rather closed. I did try to be as nonchalant as possible but there was a weird atmosphere that wasn't there before and I saw she was clock watching during the game so I ended it ( it was boring) but then she said she had to go. However she said she definitely wants to meet up again, the only question now is how quickly to call her and set that up for this weekend, because the only problem now is I feel really, really weird and depressed about the whole thing.
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
Maybe you should let her contact you to set up the next meeting. If she seemed so uninterested in being with you when you met, let her follow up with you. I realize you are depressed, but wouldn't you rather her be truthful with you and know where you stand then delude yourself into believing that something more will come from these meetings.
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