How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Alicia_MSW Your Own Question
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Alicia_MSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I just lost one of my best friends, we were intimate for the

This answer was rated:

I just lost one of my best friends, we were intimate for the past year.She's a very good gal we did quite a few things in the past year, went thru a lot yet hung together.There was something that made me react to her unlike anyone that I have ever known.She was different in certain ways then me, she was a career women an administration type that I could learn quite a bit from.I'm 45 she's 52 years old.It would be fine with us yet then I would have this rage of anger towards her unlike anything.I would tell her that I hate her guts then one time had her in a headlock after she relentlessly kept yelling at me ,another time sticking a rag in her mouth when she wouldn't stop yelling at me.I started seeing a psychiatrist again to find out a cause of reaction whether it would be neurotic or psychotic.Last week she returned home then told me that she brought out the worst in me that she gets hurt that she didn't wish to go there anymore. She doesn't respond to several texts that I sent her or just once I called in the past week as I'm not trying to bother her yet still like to keep in contact.I wanted to go have hypnosis done to see if that reaction would be quarentened from my mind permamenty.
What should I do in a situation like this do you suggest? Her roomate doesn't like me wants to get restraining order on me yet not her.
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to try to help.

You could try hypnotherapy - but I would actually recommend that you think about seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in working with patients with anger and rage issues. I'm not sure exactly why this particular person - who you appear to care about very much - provokes such feelings of hostility and anger, but you should get to the root of the issue to figure out what's going on and how to change it, and I am not convinced that hypnotherapy is your best option, at least not just yet. Try to find a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy - it's a very useful and effective form of therapy that was developed specifically for patients who have intense anger issues (even if you don't experience these feelings with everyone.)
You can read more about it here (the website also has a therapist finder so you can locate someone in your area):
In the meantime, due to the experiences you've had with this woman in the past, it doesn't seem so strange that she would want to have some distance between you. I would honor her requests, and if you like, you can let her know (via email or text) that you've decided to seek counseling to help you with some of the issues that affected you while you were still in contact with her, and that perhaps at some point in the future, when some of these issues are resolved, you can reconnect. But I would avoid pursuing further contact right now. Best of luck, and please let me know if you need further assistance.
Alicia_MSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Alicia,well did receive a text communication from the person mentioned above it was sent to my phone stating that she will not & cannot see or talk to me ever again .The reason she stated was "I bring out the worst in you, I just cannot deal with it any further don;t need to go thru all of that again. I get hurt also.".Well I did forward her this email two weeks ago.Well at least there's no false hopes she offered no fogiveness to one another either.Never had such a response from someone never knew I was so abusive to someone not my nature a small tragic ending in it's own proper perspective.Just trying to keep my head upwards

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here
.Thanks for the advice.. Regards, Craig
Hi Craig,

I'm so sorry to hear this, but if there's any positive to be gained from this experience, it's that maybe it will help you gain some insight and work on some of the things about yourself that you'd perhaps like to change. In the end, it's unfortunate that it had to end like this and I imagine it gives you a lot to think about. But when one door closes, another opens... one way or the other. I wish you luck, and please let me know if you need any help in the future.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hello Alicia well I received a text from "Valerie" telling me Good Morning then "Hello, I hope all is well with you,here I'm doing fine". I responded telling her "Hello there Val I'm glad to hear that now you're doing alright...the door is always open".....well go figure at the very least I 'd like to exchange forgiveness so we walk away with a nod & wink.Well should anything further come about this you'll be informed .....I'm still properly procuring my situation though...good attitude good results...bad attitude...bad results! Craig
Hey Craig,

That's actually a positive surprise! And I think you have the right attitude about it - no expectations but being happy with whatever positives come out of it. As you mentioned, exchanging forgiveness, at the very least, is a huge step and I think not only will it be very cathartic for you, it can be healing toward possibly opening up another door in your relationship, if you should both opt for that route.
Continued good luck, and please keep me posted!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Alicia I hope you are in fine health.Well I did get a text from Valerie this morning she didn't mention forgiveness yet the reason she feels like she does.Basically it was a couple really bad fights we were in like I mentioned the rag over the mouth when she was yelling at me,then one day driving home I had smacked her on the shoulder I wear rings on all my fingers in which put a bruise on her shoulder.It's the out of control rages we get into which scare her understandably.She's having trouble with the last incident back in February in which she doesn't ever want to be hurt emotionally or physically. The funny thing is I never had any intention of causing any physical hurt or pain to her. I never have.She tells me she just can't overcome the situation of what happened therefore she can't go thru it again. I'm trying to reason with her that forgiveness would be a start to healing then told her we would have to work closely together verbal especially.That she shouldn't go thru this by herself nor should I go thru it alone. I'm trying to do whatever I can on my behalf therapy wise.She lost her job in December so that hasn't helped either.I have asked her if she would like to meet for lunch in the next week somewhere she likes yet have left it at that.I don't know how else to show my remorse then doing what I have been doing.I'm trying to give her time to think things over as well. She has seen me a couple of times since the February Incident had a great time together not that what happened should be forgotten yet we haven't spoken in a month or seen each other in six weeks .now it's like well .........

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here
I have sincerely apologized several times.. What would you suggest at this point I know time heals most wounds? Thank you again so very much..........

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here
Hi Craig,

I think you are doing a good job so far, and I think your suggestion of meeting for lunch is a fine idea as well. It sounds that Valerie just needs some time, even though you say the last incident happened in February. And, realistically speaking, it's possible she might not get over it - or be willing to, despite your best efforts. But you hit the nail on the head when you said time heals all wounds - one way or another. To me, it sounds like she is really trying, and it sounds like she wants to forgive you, but it's something that can't be forced, as much as you both might want that. It sounds like she was really scared in the past, and she's understandably justified in feeling scared now still - she's probably thinking, if I forgive him now, what's to say that that's not going to happen again? So basically, you've got to earn her trust again. Time and patience are the biggest - and hardest - factors involved in re-building trust. I know you wish you could speed up the process, but all you can do is be patient, work on the things about yourself you want to change, stay in touch with Valerie and treat her as you would treat any good friend, and give it time. It seems to me that you're taking all of the right steps, so just be patient with yourself and allow things to take their natural course. Things have a way of working out as they are meant to :)
I will be away for the weekend, but I'll be back to check in on Monday. If you want to talk some more, please feel free to post to this thread and I will reply as soon as I can. Good luck, and have a nice weekend.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Alicia I hope you are in fine health.Here I'm doing fine. Well I've sent a couple of long texts to Valerie just stating the facts of trying to forgive or possibly even reconcile with one another someday. She has had issues with other people where she doesn't talk to them for a while.I'm just holding out trying to talk to her yet she should see that it's not just about her there's the other side.She needs to look at what she did wrong as well or she'll have trouble with whomever she deals with.As for me it has been said already.I feel that she could use a best friend like myself, I'd always be there for her whenever I could be.I'm heading to Africa on May 30th for 5 weeks heading to Egypt,Ethiopia,Tanzania,Cameroun & Ghana. I've been to 120 countries.First time in these places.Looking forward to it, hopefully will meet a witch doctor that might cure me..........not! Alicia you're a striking attractive gal in your photo my compliments to you..I'll insert a photo of me & Valerie in Miami Beach last Fall. Val is such a good looking gal....Well that's my day as the world spins.... Hope all is well Craig. Note:I hope photo or graphic is shown sucessfully
Hi Craig!

For some reason, I couldn't view the picture, although I am now very curious to see a happy picture of the two of you. I hope your travels are restorative, and help you to take a step back to get a fresh perspective. Who knows - perhaps a break will help the two of you come to a reconciliation as well...
I wish you luck, and please keep in touch!
Thanks for sharing, Craig. It's a beautiful picture :) I hope everything will work out for you. Keep in touch!