Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

Im trying to come to terms with my life and the way I see

Customer Question
I'm trying to come to...
I'm trying to come to terms with my life and the way I see it. All my life I've struggled through medical complications, treatment and recovery, as well as the social disadvantages growing up with a physical handicap.

Occasional acquaintance type relationships would pop up here and there but nothing ever developed into a meaningful relationship. In short, I have been alone to myself for almost 20 years.
You may find it even more astonishing that having 10 brothers and sisters didn't did not help my social life at all. My family was there to support me physically but never emotionally. No doubt, they care for me and were always there when I was sick. But, when it came to help me get out socially, in the public, they were nonexistent. I spent couple of days home alone and my siblings left to have fun.
My physical handicap makes it impossible for me to drive and venturing out on my own is risky because of breathing issues, though my health has improved lately which makes 4 to 5 hour outstrips more possible.
Nevertheless, only recently have I found someone who I may call a friend. The fact that my friend is married complicates our friendship in that we can go out as often as I would like. So, I do have a friend in spirit but not someone I can see and commiserate with on a regular basis.
So, why am I writing? As I look towards the future, I wish I could say I see something positive, some optimism, something to look forward to. Every time I become relatively healthy and have the chance to seek out friendships and social contacts, my health, in one way or another, fails me.
I have given up on the possibility of finding work outside my home, even though I desperately want that regular physical interaction with people, coworkers or even strangers. Working from home is the only option as I see it now. But, it is an option I consider reluctantly, as I feel this option means that I've failed.
I just cannot seem to make friends. One friendship and 20 years is ridiculous. I am not a jerk. Why don't people want to get to know me??? Some people say is my handicap that draws people away from me. Others say that is not me and besides why would you want to be friends with people uncomfortable with your handicap.
This may all be true. But I still have no one to go out with on a Friday night, to the ballgame, a local bar or movie or to even talk with on the phone. People remark that he can believe I've taken my difficulties so well and for so long, that I should be congratulated.
I suppose this is meant to be a compliment. But, it really isn't one at all. It just means that I failed to accomplish the basics in life, something other people with varying handicaps have easily conquered.
I'm always told not to compare myself with others. This is a bad habit and I should stop.
So, how am I supposed to look upon my life and the future with some sense of optimism? Why should I get out of bed in the morning?
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 28 minutes by:
4/3/2012
Counselor: Dear Debra, Advice Columnist replied 5 years ago
Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Verified
I really want you to think about your personality and think about every amazing quality that you have and know that there are so many people missing out on a wonderful person. I understand it is very difficult for you to go out because of your health, but there are people out there that would love to be your friend, it is just hard because you having trouble going out some times. You are looking for your family to understand how you feel specially since they are able to go out and interact with others. Communication sites like facebook is a great place to talk to friends. I want you to think about joining a group that will fully understand how you feel. People have health problems that also need to talk and feel just like you. I want to tell you, you are never alone. Your family is there for you and helps you, but you need that emotional understanding and i feel you need to explain this to your family so they know how you feel. You asked about why you should get out of bed every mourning. You have gone through so much and you still strive and are a strong person that is here to make a difference. I feel that by talking to others that might be having the same problems as you could find comfort knowing they are not alone. There are so many people that would want to be your friend. A friend that on those days that you couldnt go out that they would sit with you and watch a movie, play a game, or just sit and talk. Communicating online might open up the doors to finding that special friend who will see the amazing person you are. If you have any questions i am here to answer.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

Logo for

I have met approximately 3 people, all with disabilities, online and do interact with them on Facebook. It is a great way to talk to people but, like I said, does not merely take the place of intimate personal contact, not to mention all of them live in other states and overseas.

 

I didn't always feel this way, this emotionally vulnerable. But, as my dad, my rock, gets older I worry if I can rely on a family. I say this with all due respect. They have been there for me many times, physically. But, like I said, their track record is not the best way comes to maintaining my emotional health.


I did tell them my feelings of loneliness, despair and feeling isolated over the years. As a response, they have made it a point to come over more often. Still, when they come, they come to relax and be present, nothing in the visits are encouraging as I hope to get out more often.

 

You said I am strong, thank you. And, you said there are many people wanting to become friends with me... really? Well, I am not in my 20s and finding people to talk with and have fun with seems to get more difficult as one gets older.


I've tried going to various social website get-togethers but after three years nothing has come of it. That may be due to the fact that having to arrange and to pay someone to be with me when I go out to meet whomever can be challenging and expensive.

 

I know people have it worse off than me and that I should feel lucky to have what I have... and I do. It's just that I don't want to be alone as I get older with only family to associate with, not to mention that they probably don't want me around all the time either. After all, some of my family see me as a burden and responsibility they just don't want.


So, I have some resources to pay for someone to be with me when I go out, to a point. But, with my uncertainties about my health and living circumstances, I am very reluctant to go out too much, even though this will negatively affect my opportunities to meet people

 


so, I just can't be as optimistic as you. I want to do more with my life. But time after time after I get up after being knocked down, I've become more and more defeated as well as second-guessing whether I should even try again.

 


What do you think?
Counselor: Dear Debra, Advice Columnist replied 5 years ago
You have mentioned you have met three people with disabilities online which i feel is a great start in helping other and also understanding what you are going through as well. I feel that by you can explain to your family how you feel but deep down only you know how you feel. I see your family trying, but they fully do not understand what you need. But i also see you are giving them that chance to learn. I dont want you to feel like you are a burden to anyone. That is your family and the love you. I dont want you to give up looking for that special someone. People enter others lives at the perfect time and there could be someone who feels like you that needs someone to have a friendship with. You have found three people that know how you feel, there has to be others in your area where maybe you both could go out and get that interaction you are looking for. You said you are tired of being kncocked down, but every time you got up, you got stronger and i still want you to try because everyday you are succeeding. You are pushing through knowing that things are going to change. I want you to look into if there are any groups that you can join, think about something you would love to do, like a hobby that you also ways wanted to learn.
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

You said every time I get knocked down I get stronger. On the contrary, I feel I have gotten weaker and less confident in my own mental stability, focus and ability to prioritize what is really important in my life

Counselor: Dear Debra, Advice Columnist replied 5 years ago
I feel that you have been through so much that it has made you who yoou are today. You look at things differently because you know what is important in you life. You know what you want and how you feel about everything that has happened. You have overcome so many things and you feel you havent got stronger, but i feel everytime you made it through. Its just right now you feel discouraged because you know that things havent seemed to change. But they will, you cant get discourage you have to stay positive because it only takes one person to change someone life. You are meeting people online with disabilities and this helps you and them understand how they feel. Your family is always there for you, but they can not fully understand how you feel because they are not going through what you are going through. That is why it is important to explain how you feel.
Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Verified
Dear Debra and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,852
1,852 Satisfied Customers
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.

Dear Debra is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,706 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

426 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

336 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl
What is the proper way for a widower to introduce his girl friend to his mother in law? … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been
This question is for Cher. Hi- I am a 61 year old divorced female who has been in a been living with the same man for 9 1/2 years. We have had some problems off and on in the last year - he moved out … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Doctoral Degree
385 satisfied customers
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume
My mother, four year old daughter and I are I assume kidnapped since I don't remember how we got to the house that the dream started in, in this house we were all in the same room locked up together, … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was
Hey so i was in a relationship with this girl for a year. It was extremely serious and we were planning on getting married. Its kind of a crazy situation. Would you like me to explain. … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief
What's the fastest, healthiest way to process through grief during an ongoing, dragged out divorce? What's the best way to keep esteem high if the other party is highly negative, miserable, depressed,… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
I fell in love with a woman that has emotional baggage and
I fell in love with a woman that has emotional baggage and is not ready to give her hart right now … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Back on 7/28/2012, I requested that with me today to see if
Dear psychlady, Back on 7/28/2012, I requested that you follow up with me today to see if my issue was resolved. If I give you a positive rating for this follow-up, JustAnswer will pay you since it's … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it will, lol! I am
Jen, I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it will, lol ! I am continuing to date him but he knows I am not as committed as him in the relationship and that I am bothered by his pushiness and do not have… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
The guy who came to my house on a second date is asking to
Hi Jen The guy who came to my house on a second date is asking to spend time with me again on the weekend. I did not yet reply. He said that this time he will bring his guitar. I am confused. I have m… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I hope for you. The catalyst that brought me to a decision
Jen , Good day I hope for you. The catalyst that brought me to a decision (the final straw) to end my marriage was when my husband was plotting to buy an investment property with my oldest son without… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I am almost 58 and had been date a 24 girl, she was really
I am almost 58 and had been date a 24 girl, she was really into me, fun and funny, with were good frieds as well. she always wanted to be psychical but a fought. I believe she had some separetion anlg… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
10 years ago I met this man. He is still in my life. He's..
Hello. :) 10 years ago I met this man. He is still in my life. He's Joe. I'm Carmen. He asked for a sign from God. The next day we got a street sign "JOE and CARMEN" 10 years goes by. I joined the Arm… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Over the weekend she liked a lightning compilation video I
Hi Jen :)Over the weekend she liked a lightning compilation video I made from the video captured on my drone, so I gather she is saying she is still around... Got really excited on Friday night as I f… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
950 satisfied customers
I have OCD, depression, eating disorder. I used to not be
I have OCD, depression, eating disorder. I used to not be able to have family or friends over unless I was my perfect self. That would mean eating good and on my low weight side and active. I started … read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
Whenever I get drunk I have urges to cheat on my partner, by
Whenever I get drunk I have urges to cheat on my partner, by thinking about using prostitution … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
Dumped my boyfirend yesterday. Basically he was replying my
Basically he was replying my messages so late, whenever I call he says I will call you back and he doesn't, he says his busys but doesn't tell me? Yesterday when I said we need to be frends he said you know we won't be friends and he also said we are not meant to be together … read more
matt50025002
matt50025002
Owner of a waste management company
Master\u0027s Degree
118 satisfied customers
I promissed an update! Well here it is. So yesterday she
Hey,I promissed an update! Well here it is.So yesterday she cancelled the date because she was tierd (what she told me). And she told me that we can go out today, and a moment ago I asked her when we … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Question for Female Therapist. - Thanks for re-connecting
[Second opinion] Question for Female Therapist. - Thanks for re-connecting with me. In my last letter (Oct 27),I indicated that Ro had said "hi" and started to say, "Harv how have you bee....."but the… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Counselor
Master's Degree
1,706 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x