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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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Hi there, Im 20 years old and I have been dating this guy

Resolved Question:

Hi there,
Im 20 years old and I have been dating this guy for nearly three months and I really like him. He is 23. We have talked about us being in a relationship and he tells me that he can see us together, but he has been through two bad break ups in the past and he doesnt want to rush things. He seems to be doing everything right, we aren't seeing other people and we pretty much act like we are in a relationship. I just don't know how long he expects me to wait, and Im scared he is just waiting for a better option to come along. We have had the relationship talk heaps of times, he states he just wants to take his time, but my fear is being in this stage where I don't know if it will happen and if I am wasting my time. Please help me with what I should do :)
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Hello! The best advice I can give to you is to make the decision that will make you feel most comfortable, and will make you feel at peace with yourself and the situation. It seems that you have had all the talks you are going to have with him, and unfortunately you are right, you may be waiting a long time for him to make a decision.

In addition, he may have been hurt in past relationships and is afraid to commit to someone else.

You can also try a time table approach. Not an ultimatum. Ultimatums don't work. If you'd like, tell him you are able to dedicate another 30/60/90 days to building this into a relationship, but thats all you're willing to give at this time. I would give him another 60 days. I don't recommend you say "In 60 days if you're not willing to commit, I am done"... You may want to say that you are willing to give him time to decide what he wants to do, but to be fair, if in 60 days he hasn't made a decision you may decide to just put him into the friendship zone.

I hope this helps. Remember, its not you, its him. You know where your feelings are and what your intentions are for you and him. He just doesn't know. You can't force him to make a decision, and the more you push the more he may become resistant to the idea of a relationship.

Good Luck!
Santo B and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
Hello, it's Santo. I wanted to follow up with you and see how the advice I provided you worked out.