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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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if your husband cheats on you gives you std and begs u do to

Resolved Question:

if your husband cheats on you gives you std and begs u do to stay wouldnt you think the once a cheater always a cheater rule would apply. I want so much to work it out but its overbearing and i dont want to make a mistake
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 5 years ago.
Hi, this is Howard,

Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. In other words, if your husband has cheated on you in the past he may do it again. Of course, there are cases when husbands mend their ways and do not cheat again.

Can you tell me more about what's going on?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you so much for replying. we have been dating for almost eight years mariied almost for two yrs hes in the marine and im in brooklyn going to school and work while we were dating we were often on n off so when we broke up he would he move on (find someone else) break up with them and come back to me he has done this twice then after a while we got married.

He took his ring off and continued to have sex with this girl im having such a hard time deciding if i want to leave r stay i believe in the Bible if i leave id have to remain single till he dies. He keeps on promising me he wont do it again it was a mistake hes sorry and hes only done it once. WHat kills me the most is that i seen him in March and he acted a bit funny just a lil bit really acted as if he hasnt done anything we were intimate and everything he didnt say anything i end up finding out on anual visit at the doc office he told he did in Jan funny thing is we were intimate the beginning of Jan. This hurts so much i have to walk around with a smile knowing that im wrecked inside im no longer wearing the ring my thing is if he wants this work were gonna have to go to counseling and i will take him to a suprise lie detector test

Expert:  Howard Wise replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for the additional information - it's helpful.

What did you find out at the doctor's office? I don't understand.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

WHeres the ans to my nxt question???????

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I just realized you responded i apologize. I ended up finding out that I have STD
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 5 years ago.
I see. Your husband gave you a STD that he caught from another woman. That's very unfortunate.

You said that you are having a hard time deciding if you want to stay or leave. What information do you need from your husband to be able to make this decision?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Im asking you to give me advice but youre asking more question and youre not in depth its like youre giving a one word ans. I would really appreaciate if you gave me an insite on your perspective
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
idk has he done it before and am i someone whos here for support when things go wrong with other females that i dont know about im making an assumption n is not eniterly sure hes done it more then once but i feel the only reason y i now know after four mouths is because i have std so im just wondering was there other females. He consistently tells me that was the only chick
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

I have reviewed the conversation you had with the prior expert. Based on the information you have already provided, and the insecurity you are feeling. It may be best for you to make a list of pros and cons. Its a simple tool that will allow you to examine the situation with a more objective outlook. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to tell you what to do, but what you may want to do is take into consideration the fact that he has been unfaithful, and it is up to you to determine whether you are prepared to allow him to rebuild the trust he broke with you.

His cheating has little to do with you and more to do with his inability to remain faithful to you. You need to decide whether you're prepared to forgive his infidelity, and move on from this unfortunate time in your relationship.

You may want to also separate his infidelity and cheating behavior from his love for you. Sex does not equal love. He may love you very much, and you him. Sex is something that we as human beings incorporate into relationships and build intimacy around sex within the relationship. You may want to examine your level of intimacy with him.

In closing, "once a cheater always a cheater" is really not something that I would put too much credibility in. Examine your whole relationship, the bond you have with one another, and the level of trust that exists in the relationship. You have been together for a long time, and by now you should have an idea of the type of person he is and can be. Also, are you willing to forgive him and allow him to rebuild the trust that he unfortunately broke. I wish you lots of luck...
Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
Unfortunately, unless you have access to a detective or lie detector test you may just have to trust that it has only been one girl. Whatever you decide, take your time making any decision. Whether it be that you stay with him or decide to end the relationship. Take your time making the decision.
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 86
Experience: Clinical Social Work
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Expert:  Santo B replied 5 years ago.
Hello! I wanted to check in to see how you are doing.

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