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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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Hello, My name is Daniel. My wife and I have been married

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My name is Daniel. My wife and I have been married for 3 yrs and together 4 years. My wife is in the military and has been there for 17 1/2 years. She plans to retire at 20 years. I movedto San Antonio to be with her befor we got married and found a carrer within a month of getting here (3 1/2 yrs) ago. I have done exceptionally well at this and make $300 plus per year. My wife just got order recently and had to PCS to Arizona and my job doesn't transfer there but we make enough money for her and I to travel back and forth on weekends to see each other until she retires in 2 1/2 years. The problem is, my wife feels that I should be there with her and I feel I should stay because this kind of opportunity doesn't come around often since I don't have a decent college degree of any type. So I feel I should stay and keep working so when she retires in 2 1/2 years we have my career to live off... She thinks I'm being selfish and choosing money over love. I feel I'm looking out for our best interest after the military. Her income now is about $65k/yr versus my $300k/yr. when she retires her income will cut in half.. And she doesnt have a plan that will be supportive after the retirement either. I also feel as if I've finally accomplished something in my life and now I have to give it up, go back to struggling because she thinks I don't love her because I want to keep my career.

Am I being selfish or am I looking out for our best interest? What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 5 years ago.
Good afternoon, this is Howard,

It sounds like you are in a bit of a difficult situation.

From my perspective you are not being selfish. You are planning for the future by taking into account the financial needs of you and your wife.

My recommendation is that you stick to your guns and your plan to remain in San Antonio and visit your wife on weekends. You can even offer to be the one who travels to see her in Arizona. Tell your wife that you want to try this on a trial basis for three months and that after three months you will discuss how this plan is working and if it needs to be modified. Your wife may still be angry, but she needs to be flexible and open to what's best for the two of you in the long run.

I hope this has helped. If you have follow-up questions feel free to send them along. I may be away from my computer for a little while, but I'll be sure to get back to you before the end of the day.
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