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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3397
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and just this weekend

Resolved Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and just this weekend I get very drunk and exploded at a party at our friends house. I verbally abused each and every one of our friends and also his brother and sister. I put his (amazing) family down and offended everyone. I have never felt so mortified. I know some of his friends have told him to leave me. I am now on the verge of suicide and dont know how to fix the problem. I have suffered from depression and self esteem issues my whole adult life and have alot of unsolved issues. Can I ever fix this or do i need to let him free to find someone that truly deserves him?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. I am sorry to hear of your pain right now.

CoachJenK :

Tell me how your boyfriend has reacted to the situation

Customer:

He is deeply upset by it but has a very forgiving nature as does all his family. He wants me to get help so we can try and fix our relationship

CoachJenK :

That is fantastic. The first step is to forgive yourself...we all do things and make mistakes. the best part about it is that you are willing to take responsibility. so many others arent and that will go a long way.

CoachJenK :

I would agree that getting some help to figure it all out will be beneficial.

Customer:

It isnt the first time that it has happened though, although its the first time our friends and his family have seen this side of me. I dont know where to start?

CoachJenK :

it is clear that you have some feelings bottled up inside and are coming out in these less than appropriate ways. Getting into some therapy will allow you that safe place to dig a bit deeper and see what is going on and also tackle the issue of drinking to see where things are with that and if that is a problem.

CoachJenK :

I am thrilled that your boyfriend is supportive and loving....that certainly helps.

Customer:

I cant bring myself to apologise to his sister and brother just yet as Im not sure how they will react. I am so deeply ashamed of myself. I said some dreadful things. I am always on his case about something or other and really need to stop this behaviour, i just dont know how.

CoachJenK :

I am really proud of you and I want you to be a bit easier on yourself. The first step is to have you look into getting into some counseling.

CoachJenK :

You need that safe place to explore your feelings of shame, self-esteem, etc.

Customer:

I have lost - pushed away everyone that has ever cared about me and need to change my behaviour and the way I deal with everyday issues before I lose him

CoachJenK :

yes because deep inside you dont feel you deserve anything good...but you do.

CoachJenK :

you are so on top of things it is great...I know you don't see that but this is how I know things will change for you.

Customer:

can that ever be fixed?

CoachJenK :

absolutely!

CoachJenK :

you coming here shows me it can...you are willing and desirous

CoachJenK :

so many arent

CoachJenK :

but you need to get into counseling so you can do the work

Customer:

He is the most amazing person i have ever met, I dont want to ruin us. How will i ever make it up to his family? Counseling is top of my list although Im not sure how to get the ball rolling.

CoachJenK :

where in the UK are you?

Customer:

Brighton

CoachJenK :

give me a moment to look. I am still here with you in the chat while I am looking.

Customer:

Thank you

CoachJenK :

http://www.psychotherapyinbrighton.co.uk/

CoachJenK :

you begin with a call and see how it feels and when you go in it is all about making the connection so you can feel safe to explore your feelings

Customer:

And his siblings? How am I going to tackle that?

CoachJenK :

how do you feel about writing them a letter of apology?

Customer:

I had thought about that but Im not sure if that will be accepted. I know I should do it face to face but just know that i will crumble

CoachJenK :

you must do it how it feels okay for you

CoachJenK :

you can always write it and then give it a day and follow up with a call

Customer:

Probably going to be the hardest letter I have ever had to write. Is it possible to change my behaviour and thought patterns?

CoachJenK :

yes with work in counseling and your desire I think you have a great ability to do so.

Customer:

Ok, thank you.

CoachJenK :

please come back and let me know how you are doing. If I have been helpful please click accept

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