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Ask Dr-A-Green Your Own Question
Dr-A-Green, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I have been in a committed relatinship for a partner

Resolved Question:

I have been in a committed relatinship for a partner and I have decided that I will move to the state he lives in. He was transferred in January. He flies in almost every weekend to be with me and I have flown out a few times.we are very much in love and are looking forward to starting our life together. My problem is that I'm waiting for something to go wrong. We were both in unhappy marriages for 20 plus years. I'm just afraid that this is too good to be true.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 5 years ago.

Dr-A-Green :

Okay, so your main concern is that something is going to go wrong, correct? Is there anything about the relationship that makes you think that it might? What cues to you have that things are or could be disintegrating?

Customer: Nothing has changed with us, in fact it gets better all the time. He is the most loving and wonderful man. I' m just afraid it will go away. I know it does not sound very rational.
Dr-A-Green :

Fears generally aren't completely rational, but that's okay. We all have them! It sounds like the closer you get to actually making this relationship fulltime the more nervous you might be getting...have you lived together before?

Customer: We have not lived together,but have spent a lot of time together. When he lived in my state we did kind of live together since he was always with me when not working.let me be clear, there is nothing about him that I' m unsure of. He has always been a man of his word and has never let me down. My feelings for him and the life we have planned is what I want. I' m just afraid the other shoe will drop. I know I' m a good woman and worthy of love of a good man, but I' m afraid.
Dr-A-Green :

That's totally natural (it really is!). You've both been in unhappy marriages and are so happy to be together that it's reasonable that it feels a little dream-like. As long as you don't let that fear sabotage you in some way, just ride it out and enjoy it!

Dr-A-Green :

Does the fear get in the way of anything now?

Customer: No it does not. I just keep thinking he will find something wrong and it will end.when we are not together he calls every night and has not missed one . He always does what he says.His daughter introduced us . I thought she would be happy ,but she has distanced herself from me since we have been together.That bothers me a lot. He says the kids want him to be happy and if I make him happy they are good.
Expert:  Dr-A-Green replied 5 years ago.

Wow. It sounds like he really is a great guy! It sounds like he loves and cares for you a lot and is making a big effort to show you that. I understand your concern about the daughter, but keep in mind that it could be anything. Her reaction could be completely unrelated to you. I have a feeling that in time it will bear itself out. Regardless, your beloved is doing exactly what he should be doing, which is focusing his attention on you and trying to make you feel secure.

Sometimes life actually does work like a fairytale - there are plenty of examples out there (Paul Newman and Joanne WoodXXXXX, XXXXX McCartney and his first wife Linda, etc). You're one of the lucky ones. So, unless you feel like the fear is limiting you, I wouldn't worry overly.

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